MirrororriM

Mirror Mirror -- tonight's theme 1) I am walking down a hallway and I look to the left and see a mirror just larger than head-size. I notice I am seeing not my face, but the back of my head! I go over to look at the mirror opposite it and I see my face but it is hard to see it, it is not as clear as the other mirror. 2a) I see a body-length mirror in a room of a house (same as above?). Again, I do not see the front of me, I see the back of me. This time my shirt is off in back (not sure it was off in front) and I could see glowing white phosphorescent markings. Someone told me "It's probably like what was on your face last time." but I realized that I was wrong about that last time as well. That this glowing was a GOOD thing! But in this dream they were trying to tell me it was a bad thing. They kind of looked like wings folded onto my back, with spirals and other symbols on the inside of them. A bright white with a slight VERY slight blue hue. I tried to find the other mirror that was reflecting my back to me but I could not find it. 2b) At this time, the male with me got angry at me and I had to escape. So I got a good head start and thought I had a good hiding place. I hid in a hidden wardrobe. I could safely look out to see him coming. He came closer ... closer ... I could see the reflections of light bouncing around because he was using a hand-held mirror to help him catch light to move around a room so he could see better. I felt a soft poking in my side, but decided to dismiss it. I bide my time thinking I was safe. But then I felt the poking on my side again, and realized it was this man, poking his hand and arm through a side hole and poking me! So I step out to face him and chide him for giving me grief. Then I say to him, "If you would but open your hand to take mine you would feel the truth. But to open your hand you have to let go of the pain, of the lie of power." I wake up. I did not see him do as my wisdom to him specified. The last I saw his had was not only still clinched, but moving towards me in a punch. FRAGMENTS: driving, looking in the rear-view mirror I only saw darkness, but for some reason it projected onto my front windshield as well. I was trying instead to concentrate on the actual scene in front of me. It was a battle I knew I just needed SOMETHING and it would work. But I do not know what it was. I felt as if the rear-view mirror was wrong, that it was not what came installed on the car. That it was "smoke encased in mirrored glass". That is the phrase that I had. **** I need to cross a bridge (still in my car?) but it is not a bridge, it is a mirror on top with a mirror underneath facing the river below and something inbetween the two mirrors. I stopped before the strange bridge and contemplated. **** That is all I can recall. As I said, last night definitely had a theme to it!

Why is alone not all-one?

I want to go to a movie. I think it is the sequel or the next part to the movie, but I also wouldn't mid seeing the 1st movie again to catch up/catch more things. No one will go with me. I ask many different people, but they all decline my offer. A woman accepts! But soon after she declines and then rushes off. I try calling her but she won't answer. *** Now I am on the road, the roads are clear. There is no traffic. No details. I feel lost in the space, and just when I feel I am lost in my goal I turn the corner and there is the cinema. *** I am inside now and have chosen my seat. At first, there are not a lot of people there, they are all scattered. But soon a woman comes and asks if the seat to the right of me is taken. I say no. She is about to strike up a conversation with me when suddenly a lot of people come and fill up the rest of the place and the lights dim for the movie to start. *** The movie ... I am not sure what it is about. It is modern-day earth or maybe set a few decades ago. It is in a scrub-land rural area like the American South-West. It has a kind of mystery and/or sci-fi-mystery edge to it, very compelling! Like the 70s 80s movies that were about CONSPIRACIES and stuff. This auditorium is huge, it is bigger than I thought. Actually, it keeps changing size. Form being ginormous to being far more intimate and back and forth again. I also confuse the movie with the theater, because now there is a man who comes in one of the bottom exits. He looks like he is looking for someone. He looks like trouble. He has thick winter gloves on, and his hand will jump to one of his bulging side pockets, then away. I tell the woman beside me to remain calm, but duck down, try to move the people on her row out the other side. She is annoyed that I am interrupting the movie and does not move! I tried to save them in an orderly way! So, I see the guy stop, and stare down a row, squinting. He has "revelation" marked all over his face. He has found who he was looking for. Everybody else is watching the movie! He is starting to take off his thick winter glove! (It is black padded and shiny) I see an opportunity and I just take it. I get out of my row and stay kind of hunkered down as I move forward and just as he starts to notice me and turn towards me it is too late for him, I am too close. I am able to spring up and over to him so as to knock him onto his back and knock his arms up and away from his pockets to be over his head and I quickly move to a position where I am on his chest pinning his arms down. He is still shocked at this development but he manages to say, "Why is alone not all-one?" I have to subdue him so I pick up his head and pound it into the floor to knock him out. As I said, I had to find a way to quickly subdue him, it knocked him unconscious but he was OK. A man says something to me and puts his hand gently on my shoulder and says it's OK, he can take it from here, he is a police officer. He is in plain-clothes. I get off of him and I apologize for hurting the perpetrator but I did not know what else to do. The man just pats me on the shoulder and smiles. Once he has him he searches the side pocket and finds a weapon. He is able to secure it. Then he is secures the man in handcuffs and also ties his legs in a way where he could still walk but not move his legs so much as to run without falling down. The police officer continues to search the man, finding many other weapons, including a note put in his waist by his groin. I do not know what it says, I am not sure what the other weapons were. I am not sure what the man looked like. But he was white and fairly tall (over 5'7", closer or over 6"), with dark hair and dark eyes. The hair was shortish but not crew cut it had strands of hair. He was average build. 30's or so. Average features handsome even, but he did not smile. I turn around to be sure the others are OK, but nobody else is here! Well, I see the woman who sat next to me as the door closes after her. I was left alone! Now, this is all I can think of, and I say it out-loud several times. "I am alone. I'm alone. I am alone. ..." I try to follow the woman. I want her to know she left me all alone and how it hurt me so. I start to follow her, but I stop. I sounded like the man I just tackled! Still I can't seem to help myself as I say "I am alone, I am all alone." a few more times as the dream fades to black.

Nice Snowing You

I am driving in the snow when I have a sudden idea to turn into a parking lot. It is for an apartment complex of a sort. I see a dark-haired lady has just gotten out of her car or is maybe just walking in front of me. I end up following her for awhile. But then our paths diverge. She goes to the right, I to the left. I go over 2-3 apartment doors to the last one on the corner. I go inside. There are 4 or more people in here, mostly females. They surprised to see me but familiar ... almost family. One is truly shocked and I sense feels extremely guilty, another is plain pleasantly shocked and glad to see me again -- welcoming, while the third is very negative and nagging and dismissive. I think there are others there ... I hang around for awhile. It seems like a holiday or special gathering of sorts. I want to explore this further, but I awake.

Thanks Ogre, I Was Already Late!

I am in a kitchen with a female like unto my mother and a male like unto my brother. We are all getting ready to go (and all to separate places) for the day. I'm trying to get ready but the woman tells me I needn't rush so. I start to comply, but then I notice something and tell her. "How can I even know what the real time is, every clock in here is different!" She doesn't think there is a problem with the time. I am unsure what to do now that I do not even know what the real time is! So, I just keep trying to get ready to go. *** I don't notice a scene change but things change a bit. I am still trying to get out of here and so is the other male, but the house is different OR we are in a different part of it. We are almost ready to go now when I realize my shoe is untied. I stop and bend down to tie it when I hear a horrific roaring sound. It's a bizarre sound indeed, it doesn't really sound human. It startled me, but I go investigate. The other male is silently behind me at a short distance. I get into this room and there is what I feel is an OGRE. I am not sure what it is except it is big ugly male and mean. Huge! But now it's seen us so we have to deal with it. We have to outwit it somehow. We notice it's shoes, so we decide to offer to help it with it's shoes. But what we were really going to do, what I was really going to do, was tie it's shoelaces together and around something to slow it down at least. So, I'm working on that but we still need to go! The Ogre is getting restless and I'm not getting anywhere with my tying project. So I give it up as a bad job. Then the Ogre moves his feet and is not stopped so I hit him on the head a few times until he is knocked out. *** We HAVE to get out of here! But we realize lights have been left on. So, we go upstairs to turn them off. But one standing light won't turn off, the switch is faulty, so the other male comes to aide me even though he is late as well. He holds the lamp as I try to follow it's cord tangled up with others so I can unplug it, which I finally do. So, we can go now, right? That's when I realize I have two different shoes on. My brother says no one will notice, but I go to my room and find a matching pair and figure I'll put them on later. I went through two rooms to do this and turned on the lights, but coming out I keep missing the wall switches as I am rushing out. I finally get them and rush to the exit. *** At some point the other male has left, maybe only a few steps in front of me? But I am in a kitchen that is open to an entertainment room on one side and has a screen porch on the other (where the exit is). I give up. It's too late. I'll never make it now. *** I am in the same place in the entertainment area, but I am not entertained. I can't find anything to do to distract me from feeling badly! Just then something flies into the cords to the side/back of the entertainment center. I go to investigate. It is a bird! So, I gently talk to it, letting it know I am going to help it. It seems to understand but it is also a bit woozy. Otherwise it seems OK. I gather it up in my hands and walk to the exit. It is talking to me a little, but I forget what it was saying, nothing really important just talking. It flies out of my hands once I enter through the door into the screened in porch. I am not sure if I let it go too early or it escaped too early, but now it was trapped inside the screen porch. I told it I am still here, and would still help. So I went over to the exit and opened it for it and coaxed it to freedom. It thanked me. But I am still stuck in a place with different times on the clocks so I have no idea what time it is, or even the day! And as I walk back inside, I am not sure what I am supposed to do! I consider going to ... wherever I was going to (school? work? or what?) but I figure it's too late so I'll just stay here. Wherever here is. So now I feel displaced. My last thought/feeling is hoping the woman doesn't come home too soon, and to make sure the place is neat for her return. But, then I wonder if the woman will ever return. Maybe she has left forever. *** I wake with this ... maybe she isn't coming back, maybe she has left forever.

Her Cure

The female figure in this dream reminded me of a real-life online friend for some reason. It starts like this ... I think I am stirring in bed so much that I give up and get out of bed. Going into the bathroom, I take a look in the mirror in passing -- but wait! Is there ... is there something on my face? Looks like a thin layer of slightly glowing white patches, like a fungus or something. Oh my gosh what the heek! Then I am startled by a phone ringing. It is my cell. It is a female friend. She wants to see me, to bring her something. It sounds casual but it has the edge underneath of being an emergency. So, I am back in the bedroom suddenly clean and dressed and I walk into my living room and flip through a book and find what I am looking for and pull out a page. It doesn't rip out, it pulls out. It is a few pages long, actually, and I know I wrote it for her. Now I am on the road. For a moment I was in the backseat driving, but then that scared me so I somehow moved to the front. Next thing I know I am where she said we would meet. It is a absolutely gorgeous day, and the area is like a park or common area. It is grassy and undulates slightly like green ocean waves. But ... where is she? Have I come at the wrong time, appeared in the wrong place? I call her, but it says the number no longer works. I start to panic, I start to worry I have been fooled again. But no, not her. Something must have happened, keep the faith. Keep the faith, calm yourself, breathe. I keep the faith I breathe again I calm myself down. That is when something pops into my peripheral vision, I turn my head and look. There is something about 300-500 yards away. I see a kind of cart, I think it is to sell things, but I do not know what. It is a big wooden cart, old-fashioned but looks brand new. But that is not what attracts my attention. It is the female figure by the cart. There is something about her ... She has a light around her head ... an aura ... a halo. It is the most beautiful blue I have ever seen, with royal purple lines like sun beams in it and a golden-white glow to it. At first that is all I see, that overshadows the facial features. I walk closer slowly feeling gentle awe ... and suddenly I am by the cart. She is behind the cart. She is shaking. "What's wrong, dear one?" I query. "My father said I could go outside but my dad wouldn't let me. 'You are only 14 and you will mind me.' says my dad; 'Go on out and play, it will be ok.' says my father. So, here I am; but I have to go home to face my dad." "It's OK! You are actually over 18 (24 to be exact) and thus free to live your own life as you see fit. You know this in your heart and this is why you are out on this beautiful day." "I don't know." and she turns her back to me. "I don't think I'm ready!" "You are a beautiful soul, surely you know you will be ready one day?" "Yeah-yes." "Then why not today, on such a beautiful day!" She turns her head towards me and I see a ghost of a smile, but then she turns back away from me. "I brought you what you asked for; what I was told to bring you." "Oh?" I hand it to her, she turns at the torso to be able to take the papers, then turns back away from me. I hear the rustle of papers as she reads them, and turns the pages. Then she turns around with a big smile on her face, pressing the papers over her heart and says "Thank you!" and as she says that, the papers seem to kind of melt into her heart. But then when I see her looking at me, I recall the weird stuff on my face. I quickly turn my back on her. "What is it? What's wrong?" "I am a sinner I am sure, I don't want you to be harmed by me." "It's OK, that can be all in the past. Now is now!" "I do not think I am ready." "A friend once told me something,and it applies to them as well: 'You are a beautiful soul, surely you know you will be ready one day?'" "I guess." "'Then why not today, on such a beautiful day!' ... with me here with you. I have just the cure if you'd just turn around, silly!" I hesitate. I can't hurt such a wonderful person with my issues. Then, it hit me, that is exactly right! I CAN'T hurt such a wonderful person with my issues! So, I turn around and face her. And she says "Here is your cure." and she hugs me. I think I am crying, maybe I am, but I realize it is a melting sensation all over my face. I am sure it is that weird stuff on my face melting off. But as that is happening I am stirring awake. I try to stay asleep but the dream fades away and I give up and get out of bed ... for real this time. The time is exactly 8:00.

PH_IX ... FRINGE material?

A strange dream indeed ... it was like I was watching an episode of FRINGE! So, I've written in that form, which changes the actual dream very little, just organizes it better. PH_IX TEASER: We start in what seems to be a lab. It has a few scientists in white coats and tables and equipment, but sparsely appointed. The strange thing is that the rooms seem to be made out of stone blocks. "How's he looking, Brains?" "Not so hot, Phil. I think we have to crunch the data and work on other variables." "I just can't see what we're doing wrong! I KNEW we should have waited for more information." "You know the rules, desperate times call for desperate measures. We are to use what we have and fill in the blanks ourselves." "Even if eventually we are the ONE scrambled inside like these guys?" "They are military prisoners, we can do anything we want to them. It's your turn to free up the workspace, Brains." "Oh, OK." Brains walks through a short narrow stone hallway, ducks under a low ceiling as a series of doors open for him and each close behind him as he gets past them, then straightens up when he gets to the next room. It is made of polished red granite walls of large blocks, the whole room is nearly cube shaped. In the middle of the floor is a red granite rectangular box. He reaches in and we move over to a top view so we can see that he is trying to get a body out of the box. He is having trouble getting in a position to move the body. That's when the supposedly dead body opens it's eyes. They snap to the man's face, who is in shock. "Braaaaaaaaains!" We see a POV of us rushing towards the scientist's face, we see blood, we pull back to see the scientist thrashing about as he is pulled into the box. More blood is spattered. Quiet. Then we see two corpses pulling themselves out of the granite box, shuffling towards the exit of the room. cue titles we hear a tone that sounds like the Violet Sedan Chair's "Hovercraft Mother" Walter: "Ah, it's ready!" Olivia walks in as Walter is humming "Hovercraft Mother" and walking toward a machine in his lab. Olivia: "Is that a new machine?" Astrid: "Walter is trying to ressurect food." Walter: "Re-substantiate, actually Aphid. Olivia, how nice to see you again! Come, come! You can look inside with me!" Olivia gives a look to Astrid, but Astrid gives a look that she is sure it is safe, so Olivia relaxes and goes on over with Walter. Walter opens the door as Olivia stands to the side and kind of peeks around to take a quick look. Olivia: "So, what is that, Walter?" Walter, looking crestfallen says: "It was supposed to be lunch! It is a dehydrated pizza I am trying to rehydrate in a few seconds like in Back to the Future II, but --" and then the pizza explodes and covers Walter's face. Astrid and Olivia cry out asking if Walter is alright. Olivia reaches up with a towel that she finds nearby, but Walter holds up his hand and licks the pizza from around his mouth. Walter: "Needs more basil and mushrooms perhaps?" Astrid: "Walter, you need to be more careful! What if that was hot cheese exploding onto your face!" Walter: "Don't be silly, the cheese tastes perfectly fine. It's the sauce I was talking about." Astrid just states at him in disbelief, then shakes her head and goes on with what she was working on. Olivia: "Well, you will have to put this on the backburner, Walter. We have a new case." Walter: "Oh good, where are we going this time?" Olivia: "Broyles' office." Walter: "That doesn't sound very Fringey ... unless -- is it raining in his office?" Olivia: "No, it's military and sensitive, so they just want to pick our brains for now." Walter: "The military ... they always want to pick my brain! Olivia, before we go, could you be a dear and pick a bit of sausage out of my nose? No, wait, I think I can get it." He picks something from his nose and puts it in his mouth. "Oh dear, I don't think that is from the pizza." But he goes ahead and chews it up anyway with a "huh, not too bad" tilt of his head/look on his face. Interior, Broyles' office: Broyles: "As you know, the military is just starting to open it's doors more to us, but it is a slow process indeed. Something happened at one of their military bases but they won't tell us many details yet. They won't even call it a Fringe Event, but if it were not part of The Pattern they would not bother to contact us at all. All they will tell me for now is that they have lost contact with it." Walter: "It's the aliens at Area 51, isn't it? They escaped and are now flying around in an Aurora plane, trying to find one of their bases?" Broyles: "No aliens, Walter." Walter: "Of course not. It's never going to be aliens, is it?" Olivia: "Which base is it then, Sir?" Broyles: "I was able to ascertain that it is on or near a place familiar to you, Olivia. One you grew up on, in fact. The one with your dad and the door he painted red."< Walter: "Oh, let's go there now, Olivia! Maybe we can convince the people there to talk to us if we bring them a pizza! I don't want any sausage on it, though. Not after my debacle." It turns out it is an underground facility near the base. What they have done is re-built the Great Pyramid Complex of Egypt, realizing it was not monuments or tombs, but a complex for a machine. The Sphinx, the three pyramids, and the temples and smaller pyramids around it all worked together in this complex. The Great Pyramid itself was a machine to help them to resurrect/heal people who were near death it seems. But the later culture only got part of it and used mummification instead for death only. The mistake on the base resurrected people only partially, thus creating zombies. The clues to resurrection is the title of Program "PH_IX" and one of the scientist at the start said "the ONE scrambled inside". You jumble the word ONE to go INSIDE the blank _ in the middle of PH and IX (not meant to be the Roman numeral 9 after all). So, you end up with PHOENIX. (PHIX = FIX? also why the other name PHIL?) The military wanted to use it to get injured soldiers back into the field faster. One additional idea is that at the end of the episode, when they think it's all taken care of, we realize it was actually a trap to lure Olivia there. And she is faced with the mysterious man with the X on his shirt who she said is going to kill her! This episode then would include many references to Season 3, Episode 19: Lysergic Acid Diethylamide. This would provide the stinger for the end of the episode!

The Loneliest People

I find myself on a campus. I see a campus tour in progress, so I get in the group and become part of it on the sly. I hear scraps of information on older classes and former students, and I try to hear names I'd be familiar with, but there are none. Where are they? I am in my dorm room. I come back to my computer. It is a mess of boxes and cords, it looks like I moved some of this around some earlier. I open all my chat programs. I don't see anyone on. Then some come on some, and I wait for them to contact me, because then they will want to talk to me. Nobody does. I go to contact them and after I send the message, they go on "Away" or "Do Not Disturb" or seem to sign off. Not a single one stays on to talk to me. This makes me sad in a complicated way. I should be OK with people not wanting to talk to me. I am good on my own. I have done no harm, have I? Maybe I'm just not good at being friends. Maybe my dad was right about me, and I have Asperger's Syndrome or something that does this to me. To other people -- denying them my friendship? I fiddle with the boxes and tangled cords. I find an extra mouse on the floor and realize it is not the mouse I am using, but I still go about trying to untangle the cords. Thus occupied, I miss a call on my cell phone. I had totally forgotten I even had a phone until now! I go over to it but as soon as I touch it it stops ringing. I look up the call log and dial the last number who called me. It's a woman on the other line. we say hi, then I ask pardon who is this? She says she just called me not too long ago, but we hardly talk so she kind of understands. She says wait and plays me a song over the phone. It has lyrics. It was about promise hopes dreams connection wanted but denied. Meanwhile I had time to think of who this is. When the song is over I ask if she was the one who gave me a shortened form of her name ... is this Steph? (meanwhile during this call somehow I have moved from inside to being under a tree) She replies, "did you listen to the song, or were you just trying to recall my name?" "Both," I answered. She acted as if I was being selfish ... how is that selfish I was listening to YOUR song and thinking of YOUR name. She ignored me and played another song. I said "I'd like it if we talked, please." "Shh, maybe after this song." A couple guys came up to me asking people if they wanted to try a dish. The last ones denied it and walked hurriedly one. They next came to me. They said it was a French breakfast, called "cobb". It looked like a kind of pulled meat and bread and a sauce or something. I said I would like to try it. Then they told me they had run out of clean forks. I said I had one in my dorm room. It is right near the front so it won't take me long to go get it and come back. I have trouble leaving though. I make sure i have everything, but a few steps away I don't know where my cell phone is. I search my hands .. nope! I search my pockets as I walk back to where I was. Lots of things in my pockets. An MP3 player, a e-book reader, a portable movie player ... keys maybe, a wallet, all kinds of stuff, but no phone -- wait there it is. I listen and see I have not lost the line with "Steph" The song is still playing. I go inside and go to the right and go through a door. Wait, this isn't right. There are all females in here. I start to walk forward thinking this has to be a mistake. No one stops me. Suddenly I see a scene a few feet down the hallway. This woman storms off away from this other woman, saying she gives the worst advice! I feel awkward so I just want to get out of there. I turn around to go back the way I came. The woman who "gave bad advice" says "you give good advice, maybe you could go talk to her, or tell me if I did wrong." but I pretend she wasn't talking to me. She didn't say my name, and I just wanted OUT OF THERE. So I come to the narrow entry way and a woman is leaning diagonal in it blocking it, talking on the phone I think. I duck under her just as she is moving to just be on the side I am ducking under. I brush her and say I'm sorry and move on my way. She didn't seem to mind. She says hi after me, but I am already out. Now I am walking through what must be the male's side. I go into a large open room, there a man is giving new people a tour. I turn on the light in here and move on. I go through the double doors and into a narrow hallway. It is very narrow and very dark. I cannot find the switch here. I keep moving forward nevertheless in this dark narrow hallway with walls pushing my shoulders in compressing me. Then I see another set of double doors at the far end. I hear voices, I see light. I come through the doors, I push through, and finally stumble out into another cavernous room. Everybody seems new and strange, everything in here seems unfamiliar and I am kind of curious but I just want to get to my dorm room already. This place has partitions separating a big space into smaller areas. One place is a place to show movies on a screen. I walk down the aisle and back up again, big women in wheel chairs move out of my way. Then I get to t he top again and i have to go down this ramp to get out, but it is blocked by big women sitting on it. We talk and they move just enough for me to squeeze past. Next I get to another hallway made form partitions and I think my dorm room may be just after this, but again I have big women in my way, some in wheel chairs, so I have to manouvre past them. I get to my room again. This is odd. It is my room, but not at the same time. Therefore I get feelings of relief for getting "home" again; but at the same time both the journey back and parts of the room itself seem foreign. I start as I remember I am supposed to be looking for a fork and I find it, but then I start again as I remember I am also supposed to be listening to the cell phone. It's gone missing again. I look around all over the place. I end up finding a weird object I have never seen before. It is a small black cube. It open in half in two thick halves. I realize it is a phone, but certainly it is not mine, where did I get it? I start to close it as it rings, but it is too far to closing up so I lost the call. It says "DROIIIIID" just like my phone and buzzes in my hand just like my phone. Huh ... so I open it and it has a message saying i missed a call hit the up button to hear it. so I did. It's "Steph", and she is apologizing for not really talking to me. When I hit the "call back" button I wake up and lose the dream. NOTES: I just heard a song on a random iTunes Ambient radio station "air-lounge" by Kings of Convenience called "Misread" that sounded a lot like the second song she played on the phone. Here is the music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOxE7IRizjI Here are the lyrics: http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858513064/ I love the line: "How come no-one told me, All throughout history, The loneliest people, were the ones who always spoke the truth." That is very true, in my life anyway. I also feel the same way as this other comment: "You know, they say the meaning of the song is the meaning to you. To me its not about a girlfriend neccessarily, it's about relationships with people in general. The person this song is about is a very honest and up front person. He has a habit of picking out peoples flaws and letting them know about it with honest intentions, but the other person gets hurt and misunderstands his intentions of trying to be the best friend you'll ever meet. A friend that will be brutally honest simply becuase of the fact that he wants to make you an even better person. Long story short, he burns a bridge because the other person doesn't get it." So, it is curious that a song that sounded a lot like a song I heard in my dream turns out to have meaning in the dream I had! I do not lose people because I don't try to be friends, I do not lose people because I am not listening. I lose them because I listen all too well and I'm honest and look for the bigger picture, looking for what is important, and I lose them to truth, to honesty, to trying to be the best friend I can be. So, by now, I reach out but also hold back. Which makes me OK being alone I like it, but at the same time lonely and sad because I am not able to be friends to people and help them help themselves to really shine! With us all shining healed and looking at the bigger picture and not letting society and GROUPS tell us how we are supposed to act or care for then we could be living in a place of true Freedom! But the vast majority of people would rather remain chained to deceptions. What else is there to do here anyway? It is built to do that. *sigh*