Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Great, Psychological Torture Dreams Again

I dreamed I was in a household. I was still half-asleep but I heard the heads of the place complain about people already coming down stairs, so as a laugh I came down with my robe on but one arm and shoulder out of the robe. Nobody laughed. I had to find food, no breakfast items left, one helpful person showed me these tiny pieces of chicken specially made for ... whatever, in the freezer. On the table was a long LONG list of chores. On the table as well was a bill I thought was done, but there it was, and paid off for the most part by the head of the house hold, with a note on it admonishing me for my lack of .. whatever. And having me follow up to be sure it was done this time.
I found something for desert, I forget what. But then someone like Anthony Head (I have not seen him in a long time, you know, he was on Buffy!) was admonishing me for not waiting and getting the chocolate cake. Thanks for telling me! But others chimed in about the chocolate cake, over and over again.
****
I am in a school or store, like both at the same time. All my friends are talking about how soon they will be able to live their dreams! Suddenly I feel 20 years older and I missed all that from my abuse, just trying to survive it. I broke down in the aisle. The area changed around me and I am back in my room at my parent's house. My dad is over me, laughing. He closes a clear glass door and walks away. Friends and family stay there, shaking their head at me.
***
woke up with this .... thanks.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

War Games For Real III

I am in a military school dorm building. We thought it was over, we won and we came back home. But, the other side of the war games, out there in the woods, decided it was definitely NOT over. We find out they are planning on attack us, making the war games all too real. How do we know this? Because their adult leader told us so. Our adult leader tells us that the other adult leader came over to tell him what was happening, and he went back to try to talk sense into them. Our adult leader begged him not to go back, but he was determined he had a good enough talk with our adult so he would be fine.
The others sent a video where they executed him as a traitor. Said it was under military law. None of this is making any sense.
So, I tell our leader bad news, we know of the secret passageways. He sighs and hangs his head. We ask what we are to do. Hold up in here, prepare for battle. These people won't take things lightly, if we try to we are certainly dead. The best we can do is be determined to defend ourselves. We have the advantage of fortification and supplies .... well, had, without those damn secret passageways.
I can't believe this! Three times this has happened. Three times it has turned to violence. Three times it has gotten deadly. Three times I have had to defend and attack, take lives too stubborn to simply surrender. I hate this! (yes, I actually remembered having this dream in my lifetime for the third time now. It has never been exactly the same, but so many elements are similar. The situation is slightly different, our adult leader looks different, the woman is new, things like that, but it is still a situation that is similar enough that I mention this in my dream).
I guess I am the student leader, because we are discussing a lot. This woman is there, too. Adult woman. She is thinking up strategies and defenses but she hardly gets to say any of them when the attack happens.
I am outside with her on her horse as she patrols the perimeter and is pointing out ideas to fortify the secret passageways and things, I am not even armed for some reason!
She says "now" and I remember she told me when she said that, to throw coins at her that I had found. I hesitate for a second then throw them at her. She somehow swings her sword around and hits the coins with the broadside and flings them at several enemies at once knocking into them and knocking them down cold! Whoa! She has a gorgeous white horse, she has long dark hair, and she is amazing!
But I have bigger fish to fry, because here they come and I have no weapon! I say "I am unarmed, have some honor left and do not harm an unarmed person!" That works for some reason, and there I am running and stopping to look around and exclaim this again, and running and so on. When a very short person hesitates, but decides to attack me anyway with his sword. I manage to push into close to his body on his upswing and grab his sword arm with one hand and as I wrestle it out of his hand, with the other I push into high on his chest with such a blow he is knocked down and the wind is knocked out of him. He is on his back, legs and arms wriggling. I throw the sword point above his throat and demand he surrender. The wind is still knocked out of him, but I decide to leave him be. I feel he will stay down.
But I hardly have time to consider this for another attack comes at my back. I feel it just in time somehow and turn around and throw my sword forward. It is a woman on their side! I knock her to her back and stab her in the side, stomach, and heart before I realize what I am doing. I see another enemy to my side starting to level a gun so I swing he sword and cut off their gun hand.
What IS THIS? Why is this happening again? Why am I forced to defend my life by taking others? I hate this but it is happening and I am in the moment.
I look for the next thing to do. I see people fighting all around me. But, we are winning. Our adult leader has just started barking orders when I wake up.

(P.S. sometimes dreams are worse than nightmares. hated this, and it feels like the third time. The little guy was wearing khaki like an old movie from the 30s)

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Too Tired to Rise (aka Strange Menagerie Outside)

I am in and out of sleep in this dream, I even have another dream in-between this one. Yup, I am dreaming inside a dream .... OK o_O
The dream inside the dream was nothing much. It was like a story/TV Twilight Zone idea. I, this guy, is talking to his superior. He doesn't know about this latest job, and wants to not do it, take his vacation early. The supervisor says he can do it, he's been doing it for years, he is his best man, it is too late to find someone else to do it, he can do it! After this one he promises the guy will have his vacation, and a long one if needed, he has certainly earned it. And a promotion and a raise! So, what does this guy do? Well, eventually we find him saying he doesn't want to kill this person. So, a hit-man? No, it turns out he is a kind of Grim Reaper. The question is, why is this one different, and will he or won't he?
OKAY AND NOW FOR THE DRAM PROPER:
There is someone inside the apartment waiting for me to help them, but I am not waking up. Well, I am but going back to sleep. At first I think it is this one person (forget), but then it turns out to be this guy. Like a kind of ....client? I am not sure what he expects from me. He is being patient, I think, time is different when you are half asleep. Anyway, I am worried he is going to force me ot get out of bed, but it is so hot I am nude, so ... don't! :D
Anyway he leaves after calling for someone for a pickup, says he understands. I get up, look for my bathrobe, kinda panic, there it is! But then I look to be sure (in the dark barely penetrated by the light) to see if anything is missing. No, everything seems to be still here, yAy!
But HE has left some items (They were not there, then they started appearing .... dream logic, ladies and gentlemen!)
Anyways, I gather all his stuff, I even get help but I forget from who, maybe 2 people a male and a female. And I rush out with a bag to hold it all in finally. As I am walking the paths in the dark I try to follow ones to a major street, figuring he would wait for his pick up there. As I am traveling one way, I see a strange assortment of animals. One is a bear like creature with a light brown front half and a dark brown back half .. not going that way. Then I go the other way and this complex has NICE GROUNDS. But strange menagerie. Like when I get to the road and do not see him and give it up as a bad job and go back home, on the hill are big cats, and in the pathway I come across giant anteaters and other odd animals!
None of them mind me, they seem tame or at least not wanting to other me or run away, curious is all, unless that is their way of saying hello :P

Friday, May 29, 2015

A Good Illustration of My Bad Parents

I go outside on a nice day, I am playing with someone maybe my sister? One thing we do is kick a ball back and forth. Just playing outside ... relaxing, getting exercise. But my mom is outside, too. Watering? She quickly tries to make innuendos in the form of three questions, each one more poisonous than the last. She is accusing me of using up her spices on her flowers! She is upset I am wasting her spices and trying to harm her flowers.
At first I am confused and try to figure out what she is talking about. This only gets her accusing me more, as if I am lying/denying.
Then once I kind of figure out what the heck she is talking about, I tell her I didn't do it. Again, I must be lying there is no reality where i did not do it. She ads to this by saying she KNOWS I did it, she set up traps and i fell into every one. (this part is new, I don't remember her saying it this way in reality, but it doesn't surprise me. More symbolic and possibly what she was doing). My mom is sure I am the wrong doer, and I must be punished! SHE IS WRATH, she starts to come over and I know she is going to hit me.
Right then, my dad comes out and says he put the spices on the flowers. They seemed to be too wet and he was using the spices to dry them up. "Ok!" says my mom and turns back to her watering, content. Firstly, neither my dad or anybody came to my defense against my mother. But I can see why I dreamed it this way. Because it illustrates the dynamic between my father and the rest of my family.
When I was the sole suspect, I was a terrible person and I was going to PAY! But as soon as my dad says he did it, it was the right thing to do and it is not questioned, it is simply accepted as reality. No curses, no threats, no questioning, no follow up. Simply acceptance. Acquiescing.
***
This upset me, does nobody else actually care or understand how words and emotions can harm others? It is if they are blinded to what emotions actually do! They either have no self control (mom) or use words as weapons of persuasion your emotions do not go on his radar (dad). I almost woke up, but instead I had more dreams. This next one closely follows the first. I am sleeping at home, and I wake up one day with a start. WHY AM I STILL IN THIS SLAVE HOME? I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, WHY AM I STILL HERE? So, the quest is on for ... my shoes. :) They are like ADIDAS, they have those upside down Nike Swoosh. They are white on black running shoes. I have to be sneaky to find my sneakers, for if my dad finds out he will talk me out of them.
I find them and I start to put them on but, my dad walks into the room. All nonchalant. He is talking about his creative ideas for work and ... I find myself in another room dusting without my shoes on. What the heck? He finally leaves and I see my shoes are right there in the middle of the room, mocking me, daring me to put them on. So, I am finally able to break away from using the cloth and lemon spray on the wood to go put my shoes on. But no sooner do I have them tied but my dad's voice comes from somewhere asking if I remembered to ... and I am washing windows in another room while my dad is getting a bunch of my family to clean and do other things as well. With minimal effort, they just stop whatever they were doing and do as he says!
I gather my strength and yell, "ENOUGH!" My dad flinches but he covers it up quickly by pretending what I said matters not. He says a few words and the family (brother, sister, sister-in-law, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) shake their head at me and just keep on doing whatever he says. I throw down my rag and I walk out. I gather my strength again and say, "Until we can have a conversation where there are actually not just your ideas, dad; what is the point of talking? My will is not bad, it is just different and my own. But, no. Only your will exists. Is there so little room for others, what is it that you really fear that you need so much control?" As I go out the front door, I hear them all say in unison "Just do as he says, he is only doing this because he loves you." I am stopped cold, a shiver runs down my spine, I have one foot out the door and one foot in, and I am frozen like this. Trapped between freedom and slavery ... forever.
And I wake up with this thought rolling in my head ... on a Friday. yAy!

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The Wrong Backpack

The Wrong Backpack

This was like a chain-dream. I don't clearly recall the intro, but I think I was in a car that kept getting slower and slower.

Then I am walking up hill. It is a grassy hill and a bright sunny day. I run into crowds of people. Which is fine. But now I am slowing down as I walk to my destination at the top of the hill, odd and getting frustrating.
I forget what they were doing. Discussing, some kind of play, things like that?
So, I FINALLY get to my destination, and it is a bunch of people sitting down. It is a class. So, I sit down with them. I think it started without me, but whatever I did my best I could to get here when I did.
Sometimes it feels like I am inside .... I never feel the ground.
A paperback book is being passed around, small, thin, can't be 100 pages? It has a darkly multicolored front. Maybe a painting of a group of people?
It is time to go. I look around for my backpack to put the book away and see what comes next. My backpack is forest green. I think I find it, and it seems like mine, but the zippers seem a little different. Open too far along the side. But I don't see any others near me.
I try to hurry this up because my two friends (both male, one tall like 6' 5"? The other my height or a tad shorter) have already gotten up and are talking with each other and so just assume I am right behind. So I rush through. I never did find out what I am to do next.
***
But as I am walking I lose track of them in a maze of hallways. Soon I see a tall thin younger fair headed guy, and I know he has my backpack. I try to get his attention via voice. I try waving my hand in his vision. I try tapping him on the shoulder. I FINALLY get his attention. I tell him I think we have the each other's backpacks.
He says something like "uh huh" totally nonchalant, and turns back around. This time I have to grab his shoulder to get his attention again! I have to be more firm. I am more insistent that we have to switch backpacks. He doesn't seem to get it, but finally we get the exchange made. That was aggravating. How can he be so cold? Does he not understand my emotions, I am making them very clear, just "milding" them with polite kindness is all.
OK, so I have my backpack now, and now ... what to do? I decide to look for my friends and for food. I go looking for my friends in a maze of hallways. Just finding them, just missing them again. I am feeling confused, overwhelmed.
The find me eventually. I tell them about the backpack debacle. They are upset with the dude and so they want me to describe him. I give a vague description. They want his name. I don't know his name. You didn't get his name, tsk tsk. Ugh, who cares!
So I leave my friends to just go get something to eat, get SOMETHING done. They aren't doing anything productive or fun. But ... where am I? Stupid maze hallways! But I get my bearings...(oh, as I was coming this way, I ran into a delivery person also trying to get up the stairs, but the stairs were full of stacks of boxes. We were both annoyed at this because ti slowed us down and why put a hazard on stairs!) So, I find the turn to those stairs but I end up in someone's room. A family is busy moving stuff around. Moving in, out, cleaning, something else? I apologize and go back out and in another door, but this door leads into the same place but the bathroom this time instead of the living room How odd that a room from the hall would go into the bathroom!
So, that is impolitely awkward. I talk to the family a bit.
But the rest is a blur. I think I make it outside. Or this was earlier in between stuff. But I start to walk in a crowd in day light to get to a nearby place to eat. My feet start hurting and I realize I am not wearing proper shoes for a long walk. But they will just have to do.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Return of the Lucid Dream: House of the Many Doors, Rude Awakening, CarCycleRoomOfMysteryFaire

Lucid Dream #1: The House of the Many, Many Doors.

My throat is parched and I'm restless, I decide to get up and go try to get a couple sips of water, SO worth the effort!
I get out of bed and open and close the bedroom door behind me. As I start down the stairs, I become AWARE I am not where i went to sleep. So, I decide to stop and purposefully explore, see what is really here.
I reach down and look at the carpet. It is a brownish-reddish dark colours running together floral pattern kind of thing. browns, reds, saffrons all dark and no color stands out. I feel it, it feels nice and soft for the feet and spine etc. :)
I feel the annoying roughness of stucco on the wall. A dull dirty white or washed out light brown.
I look down at the landing ... I've never seen so many doors! In a kind of angled concave semi-circle there are seven doors at the landing. I try them, none of them open, but I feel like the middle one does open, if I can only figure it out. But instead of being calm I get frustrated and WANT OUT and the dream ends.
Great, real life invades my dreams!

*****

Lucid Dream #2: Rude Awakening (with special guest stars, my dad and brother!)

I am trying to sleep in a little. I could sleep in another 1-2 hours! My dad wants to GET ME UP AND OUT OF BED but my brother is running interference so I can sleep. I can still hear my dad ranting and raving, but he never gets in my room or to the door. This aggravates me so I can only get a light sleep.
I give up and bang my hand on the wall and ... it is a strange wall! It is clear plastic with what looks like water running through it! I want to think it is normal, but I am lucid again so I investigate it.
But I get yelled at to get a move on so I throw on some clothes after using some kind of stick on my skin and run downstairs to see what all the commotion is. My dad wants me to go, now, I am going to be late. My brother just shakes his head. "Take a moment and think, what day is this for him?" My brother says. My dad says "His day is my day." My brother: "No, your day is your day, his day is his day. What day is this for him?" My dad just glares for a moment, silent then says "FINE" through his teeth and storms off. "Go on back to bed if you want, you don't have to go anywhere today." says my brother. But it is too late and I'm already awake. Now I have to figure out what I want to do today!

*****

Lucid Dream #3: Car to cycle riding through a Mystery Faire

I get a similar rude awakening, but this time it is from a woman. I never see her, only hear her. So, I get up and rush out the door and into a car. I am on a road .. until I"m not. I am suddenly following an SUV on a rocky trail through the woods? How did I miss my turn? I can hear them and they also wonder the same thing. I follow them to get back to the road, and then ...
I end up on a bicycle or tricycle thing riding from the outside to inside. Inside are spacious rooms that are connected with no doors. It is kind of like a school fair or ...something. Amateur or simply relaxed? I grab a snack that has something on a stick that then has popcorn on the outside of it! It is so delicious!! It is attached with a brown sugar crunchy caramel. I can TASTE it, in the dream!
Which is when I wake up, of course! I didn't even get to fully explore this faire, it seemed to have a lot of fun and edutainment as well, I could have learned a lot! Of course I wake up instead. Sigh, I can't escape my curse even in the dream world!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Devil Child is Angel & Mechanical Sleep, Game Roses Are (not) Real

OK, for last's night's entertainment, let's start with:

1) Game Roses Are (not) Real

This is based on a waking life situation, at least as a start. I did put some rose bushes by a female friend's house in MineCraft.
But, in the dream, after I did that, I got a notification of an incoming call on the computer (like SKYPE), so I alt-tabbed and answered it. It was her boyfriend. He starts out with "I just got on MC, and stopped by her hut. I see there are rosebushes there. I did not put them there. Did you put them there?"
"Yeah. I thought they would look nice there."
"So, you admit it!"
"Yeah ... "
"Why did you put rosebushes there?"
"As a nice gesture for my friend. I happened to have them in my inventory and so I thought at the moment that they would look n ice there."
"But ... roses?"
"Is she on the call too?"
"No."
"I'd feel better if she were, can you add her?"
"No, this is between me and you."
"It's just that. I don't get what this is. I meant no harm. It's a game, not real life. If I sent her roses in real life, I would understand. But this is a game and the rosebushes can be easily removed if.."
"So remove them."
"OK, but I think she should know."
"Why?"
"Because she has already seen them there and she liked them there and thanked me. Since they are now HER roses, we should talk to her."
"No."
"No. Because ... she would think this is silly?"
"Well, yeah but this is --"
SHE: "Hey guys, mind if I join the fun-talk?"
HE: "Did you invite her?"
ME: "No."
HE: "You did! Just to spite me!"
SHE: "I invited myself. What's wrong?"
ME: "You have the beef, you should tell her."
HE: "Fine. He gave you roses!"
SHE: "Um ... what?"
ME: "He means in MC, I put Rosebushes by your hut."
SHE: "um ... oh yeah, you did! Thanks again!"
HE: "No! No thank you. You need to have him apologize and rip them out!"
SHE: "Have him apologize for being nice have him rip out fake flowers in a fake world?"
HE: "In that world, they are real."
SHE and ME: "What?"
HE: "In that world they are real to me."
SHE: imitating Jake the Dog "Jealous?"
HE: "Well, see, it's just --"
ME: I also imitate Jake the Dog "Jealous?"
She laughs
HE: "Fine! Yes! I am jealous!"
SHE: "Of fake flowers in a fake world."
HE: "But you are real, I am real, he is real."
SHE: "Unless this is all his dream!"
ME: "This IS all my dream, guys!"
HE: "Haha, yeah right."
SHE: "Told you! So you are jealous of fake flowers in a fake world in a dream by someone else?"
HE: "You guys are messed up!"
SHE and ME giggle
-end dream-

***

2) Devil Child is an Angel

Damien, child of the devil, Rosemary's baby, the computer game Lucien etc. We have seen stories of children with The Devil as the Father. But ... what if the child took after his Mother more than the Father?
That's basically what this dream was about, the war inside the child between Mother and Father. The Father furious that the child (sometimes it was male, sometimes it was female) wasn't being evil, being chaotic enough.
The Mother was patient. She never worried. The Father tried to be patient as best he could, but worried all the time!
So, as She taught him life lessons and was there for the child when things did not go well and celebrated with the child when they went swimmingly ... making every risk worth while; the Father continued to put obstacles in the way and talked trash in his heart.
It was because the child was good, and doing the right thing, that the child eventually felt cursed.
Which led to the next dream ...

3) Mechanical Sleep

Father tried to surround him with monsters disguised as people to sway back to his side. But this wasn't really working out. So, he put the whole group to sleep. He infested them with nightmares and lesson dreams. Then he woke them, but the child after a moment's confusion and questioning was soon back to the light side of things.
Furious and frustrated, the Devil put them back to sleep, but this time changed them all to metal beings!
Again, when they woke and found their new circumstances, the monsters moved away from the child to go rampaging. At first the child was upset and confused. But soon even with this, the child calmed down and was in the Light again.
Having had quite enough of this nonsense, the Devil appeared in front of the Child in all his Horrific Beauty and demanded the child tell him why he gets upset and feels cursed,but in the end always returns to being happy and fun and helping people and generally being in the Light?!
The Child sat there, withstood the fire breath of his Father, waiting for him to finish. Then he said "Did you know my Mother is an Angel?"
"Yes, that is why I chose her. Is that why you are like this, resisting me, you are taking after your mother?"
"No, because she let me realize that you are an Angel, too! You have just forgotten. It is more important for me to help you remember you are an angel, then it is to concentrate on how your forgetting is trying to have me forget, too."
And with that, the child had Light stream out from inside the metal and it melted off and it was a Child of Light.
And the Devil was so amazed, but no more than when the Child walked slowly over to Him and gave him a hug.
The Devil wanted to fight this as well, he was determined to be as he is, not as he was, and nobody can change a crazy bad man, especially if they are .... if I am an Angel.
"Woah, I AM an angel!"
And with that, the devil had light come from deep inside him and explode off the dirty grimey thorny stoney skin he had built upon, and let build upon Him. And he was once again an Angel.