I start to stir awake. My mom peaks around the door to tell me I am keeping my dad waiting and how rude that is. But I am so tired so I am having a lot of trouble trying to get up. And ...
wait a minute! My mom ... my dad? Why are they in my apartment?
I get up (whilst still in bed) so I can look out the window behind me. I am on the second floor (my apartment window is at ground level) and I see the trees and the creek and everything that makes me realize that I am NOT in my apartment, I am instead at my parents house.
I feel confused and trapped. How can I get out of here? How did I get here question is not as important as how do I get out.
My dad appears at the door and at first he walks in as if nothing was wrong. But then he has closed the door and has me sitting across from him. He is in a higher chair than mine, but I am able to make my chair even with his. I could have made it higher, but I didn't want to. Even with his was fine enough. He smirked at that but then tried to pretend it didn't bother him, or that I was clever enough to figure that out on my own ... or that it happened at all.
The conversation is one-sided. It is banal and all about him. He doesn't ask a single thing about me, what I am going through, because everything he talks about turns back to being about himself.
I ask him follow up questions, which he is very pleased to answer. Then I tell him a quick note about myself. But I get no follow-up questions or much reaction from him, when I got the very opposite when we were talking about him.
I point this out to him. He says it doesn't matter, it is always about him, forever. He shakes his head in agreement with himself and makes a motion with his head for me to look behind me. I do and see my mom also shaking her head, but she has an overlay transparency of my dad's face on top of hers that is barely discernible. Then I see my sister and brother do the same. Then my uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces and so on start to protest but then come within sight of my dad and they stop mid-sentence, shake their heads along with him, and a transparent overlay floats closer to their faces.
I start to get terrified. But instead I say "I don't care how many people you brain-wash the person you most need to manipulate will never give up his true destiny. I will never give up completely. I pity you for trying to change everybody else so that you do not have to change, and you HAVE to change, but you won't. It's worse because you then brain-wash everybody else to follow you like you are a cult leader or something! You can have a small comfort in knowing that even though you have failed with me, I have also failed with you. But the difference is that your failure is a good thing and mine is not."
He returns: "I have you! You are going to come home this Christmas, period! I am tired of your willfulness!"
"It is not my willfulness that is the problem here, it is yours. Let down your lying eyes so you can see things as they truly are. Face your fears by facing reality not with your logical brain but with your heart. You are a living dead because your heart is dead."
Then I like saw my heart and was able to leave .... I can't describe it correctly.
This dream report is part real dream and part addition as I write it. I feel this is part of the "story" so I can do it this time, but I wanted to add that disclaimer.
What do I remember? My mom coming in and out, realizing I was at their house instead of my apartment, wanting to find a way to get the hell out of there, being stopped by my dad before I can even leave my bedroom, the conversation starting out calm then I stated my Power. I walk out but my mom tries to stop me for my dad, and other hands that I sense are my other family members, and they all feel like my dad's. I start to panic and give in to terror, but then I imagine the voices of my online friends and some co-workers (I guess, maybe they were angels) and they are under the surface of the noise. Then I follow their advice and look in my heart, there I see the truth, and I am able to let that dream fade away. But the end is kind of vague.
Anyways, it helped me feel less guilty for not going home for Christmas. It would just be another fake guilt-trip awkward brain-washing-session. A lie, not love. False peace. I would be surrounded and out-numbered and still not seen as me, still not able to just be. I would have had to smile and nod and pretend. I would have had to stay just long enough, but make up a story that I had other Christmases to attend to.
So, instead of all that mess, I am staying alone in my apartment.
But it's OK :) I am better being me, I can lift spirits and be a WaySeeker and hopefully also a WayShower! That would be cool. Not MY way (I will follow that myself), but your way. Helping you help yourself guide yourself from your own heart. Just, amplifying that still small voice.
i don't know how to describe it correctly ...
It is a work in progress.
No regrets, no making my heart heavier.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
She seductively says, "Can you help me to remove this hearing aide?"
I am in a room. Hotel room? Apartment? A woman has just walked out, I close the door after her, lost in her world ... when I realize I've walked off and left the door open.
I go over to lock it when someone is just outside realizes it is unlocked. I close and lock that door just in time, and I close a second door that is directly in front of the other. That way no one can force the door open, shoot through it, or anything.
-phew-
Next scene I am on a bed with white sheets. Mattress cover but we are not covered with sheets. We are in bed clothes.
We?
I am pretty far apart from this young looking (mid-late 20's?) athletic woman who either has brunette or blonde hair, I can't really tell in the dream. She is white and pretty. I feel we are friends, we have known each other for awhile before this scene.
Still I am a little nervous around her.
Nevertheless ... there are fade-cuts that bring us both moving across the bed to meet in the middle until we are right next to each other.
She wants a hug, she is depressed and stressed.
How do you hug when both parties are lying in bed too tired to get up? -- I think in the dream.
I know ... that's dream logic for you! lol
Anyway I hold her in my arms, and we very quickly fall asleep at the same time and wake up together in pretty much the same position.
I am a little embarrassed now. Maybe I thought we could only be friends, but this feels too good, and I don't want to ruin anything?
"What?" she asks.
"Nothing" I deflect.
"I have never slept so soundly before, nor woken up so refreshed."
"Me neither!" I admit before I can stop myself.
"Maybe we need to fall asleep hugging more often!"
I just have a nervous laughter.
"You blushed!"
"I don't think so!"
"You DID! Your cheeks turned red as a radish! Radish cheek! (she pokes my left cheek) Radish cheek (she pokes my right cheek)!"
"Heh!"
"I hate to say this, but you need to let me go so I can go to the bathroom."
I let her go, smiling at her, she smiles back. She gets up and goes to the bathroom.
"Come on in with me, it's OK. I need your help."
I thought she wanted to brush her teeth and I wanted to brush mine.
But when I stand in the doorway, she gets down on her knees, then moves her hips to the side to support herself with one hand. She uses the other hand to beckon me to come down to her level, so I do.
That is when she says "I need you to help me to remove this hearing aide."
Huh? What does that mean?
But then there is a jump and I realize the door is open a crack and I have to get up and rush over to secure it.
What happens now is an almost exact scene at the door as before. Strange.
So ... any guesses what her last words mean?
I go over to lock it when someone is just outside realizes it is unlocked. I close and lock that door just in time, and I close a second door that is directly in front of the other. That way no one can force the door open, shoot through it, or anything.
-phew-
Next scene I am on a bed with white sheets. Mattress cover but we are not covered with sheets. We are in bed clothes.
We?
I am pretty far apart from this young looking (mid-late 20's?) athletic woman who either has brunette or blonde hair, I can't really tell in the dream. She is white and pretty. I feel we are friends, we have known each other for awhile before this scene.
Still I am a little nervous around her.
Nevertheless ... there are fade-cuts that bring us both moving across the bed to meet in the middle until we are right next to each other.
She wants a hug, she is depressed and stressed.
How do you hug when both parties are lying in bed too tired to get up? -- I think in the dream.
I know ... that's dream logic for you! lol
Anyway I hold her in my arms, and we very quickly fall asleep at the same time and wake up together in pretty much the same position.
I am a little embarrassed now. Maybe I thought we could only be friends, but this feels too good, and I don't want to ruin anything?
"What?" she asks.
"Nothing" I deflect.
"I have never slept so soundly before, nor woken up so refreshed."
"Me neither!" I admit before I can stop myself.
"Maybe we need to fall asleep hugging more often!"
I just have a nervous laughter.
"You blushed!"
"I don't think so!"
"You DID! Your cheeks turned red as a radish! Radish cheek! (she pokes my left cheek) Radish cheek (she pokes my right cheek)!"
"Heh!"
"I hate to say this, but you need to let me go so I can go to the bathroom."
I let her go, smiling at her, she smiles back. She gets up and goes to the bathroom.
"Come on in with me, it's OK. I need your help."
I thought she wanted to brush her teeth and I wanted to brush mine.
But when I stand in the doorway, she gets down on her knees, then moves her hips to the side to support herself with one hand. She uses the other hand to beckon me to come down to her level, so I do.
That is when she says "I need you to help me to remove this hearing aide."
Huh? What does that mean?
But then there is a jump and I realize the door is open a crack and I have to get up and rush over to secure it.
What happens now is an almost exact scene at the door as before. Strange.
So ... any guesses what her last words mean?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Shoes Well
Later I have one where I am with a group in a bookstore, all bright and full of stuff and everybody having a great time. My group leaves and I tag along behind, and one of them drops their silver bulbous cell phone and it makes such a clatter but they just keep going, how could they have missed all that echoing noise on the stairwell as we go down stairs?
So, I pick it up and try to chase them down, telling them they dropped their phone. I see them disappear around a corner on the stairs going down every time. I open the phone as I am going one time, curious as to it's odd shape. Experimentally, I put it to my face, and it seems to move to fit my face! It is very comfortable and it can now be hands free. But it's not mine so I quickly take it off and fold it back together.
I finally catch them up when we are at the bottom and I see them going up this grand wide staircase going straight up. I mean, a city bus, a 16 wheeler, could easily fit sideways on this stair case with plenty of room to spare!
I finally cause them to stop and turn around. I hold up the phone, waving it, telling them they dropped their phone. One of them makes a "d'oh!" motion, laughing and the group laughs with him, and he waves me up. But then the dream changes to something else.
I am not sure what, but I am in a building open to a common docking area with many other businesses. I help the delivery guy to come in and he starts talking to this girl, who I know is married, but I let them talk and hide. I have to bend under a wire like electrical cord. I move around rows of 3 foot tall bookshelves. He doesn't notice my hiding.
Later I go back outside and find myself next to a bunch of boxes piled there, Some of them have been opened. On top of the boxes I see shoes, all kinds, some sneakers some hiking boots. I get closer to inspect them, when I hear something coming from one of the businesses and see a couple people come out.
So I back away from the shoes. I don't want them to think I was going to steal them or anything.
So, I pick it up and try to chase them down, telling them they dropped their phone. I see them disappear around a corner on the stairs going down every time. I open the phone as I am going one time, curious as to it's odd shape. Experimentally, I put it to my face, and it seems to move to fit my face! It is very comfortable and it can now be hands free. But it's not mine so I quickly take it off and fold it back together.
I finally catch them up when we are at the bottom and I see them going up this grand wide staircase going straight up. I mean, a city bus, a 16 wheeler, could easily fit sideways on this stair case with plenty of room to spare!
I finally cause them to stop and turn around. I hold up the phone, waving it, telling them they dropped their phone. One of them makes a "d'oh!" motion, laughing and the group laughs with him, and he waves me up. But then the dream changes to something else.
I am not sure what, but I am in a building open to a common docking area with many other businesses. I help the delivery guy to come in and he starts talking to this girl, who I know is married, but I let them talk and hide. I have to bend under a wire like electrical cord. I move around rows of 3 foot tall bookshelves. He doesn't notice my hiding.
Later I go back outside and find myself next to a bunch of boxes piled there, Some of them have been opened. On top of the boxes I see shoes, all kinds, some sneakers some hiking boots. I get closer to inspect them, when I hear something coming from one of the businesses and see a couple people come out.
So I back away from the shoes. I don't want them to think I was going to steal them or anything.
Alonechestra
Stuff happens before this, but I forget what now. I am in a group, we are going place to place, as it goes on, I get closer and closer to this one girl out of all the people, even though I talk to others and they talk to me.
One time it is night and we are at a restaurant. It all seems so fun and easy. I am happy, forgetting myself, not worried about anything, talking to this one girl with ease, this friend.
It is nice to just hang out with them, with her. I feel myself without any ego or worry, I can just be.
She can just be as well.
Existence With Ease
...
Our group makes it to the Orchestra Stadium. There are many layers. I get separated from her and make my way up to find us good seats.
But the climbing is hard, very hard. You really have to hang on and pull yourself up step to step, others are having trouble too. It feels very dangerous trying to climb. Very steep narrow steps, each one very high. People grasping the few hand rails for support.
I get some great seats, but where is she? I go looking for her. I have to climb down.
Climbing down is far worse!
I see a male child, just from the back, and I worry about him. As well as a few others. Who built this place? Why does it have to be so hard?
I get to one indentation / level and then climb down much more manageable steps to get to the very bottom, which almost seems like it's "under the bleachers" kind of a place.
(at some point, there seems to be a time where we get to talk with the Conductor.)
That's where I find her. I crawl in there, and it has no seats and you can't really see out very well. There seems to be a view of huge screens, but it is hard to tell.
I ask her why she picked this place, how can she see anything?
She asks me where my special packet from this place is. It is a large white envelope as big as a book and has lots of stuff in it.
So, I go back up a level, I am sure I saw them there.
I did, I go to ask for mine, but stop. Where is my Event Badge, where is my Orchestra Ticket, where is my Identification (wallet)?
I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING.
So, I get panicky. I get quiet and I let others go in front of me. I try to speak up, but I'm not very confident or convincing so others keep passing in front of me/called forward by the employee.
He has some kind of light board there, he is having a good time with a customer who is in awe of it, a little boy (well, 12 early teens).
I kind of sneak around them and find my packet and move out of there.
I go back to the girl but ...
she's not there any more.
Nobody is, there is no sign anybody ever was.
So, I go looking for her. I told her where I found us great seats, maybe she went there?
I clamber up the steps and ...
now the place has changed a bit.
For one thing, there is a piece of ceiling over this section, now.
And other things. But it seems to be the same place just different.
I pass by all these people in my Group, but not a single one acknowledges my presence. I am still panicky from my packet-getting episode and then not finding her, so I go all quiet.
It bothers me that nobody acknowledges my presence, even if I don't really have much to say right now (which is why I don't start any conversations) and I'm melancholy, still why isn't anybody acknowledging me?
Is that her? She is turned from me, I can see her cheek but her eyes are not facing mine so she can't see me.. She is there third in that row.
I smile and my hand starts to rise to make a wave at her. But, my smile fades as my hand falls back to my side.
She isn't seeing me.
A male on one side and a female on the other side of her now have her attention.
Is it really her? How can I be 100% sure?
Maybe it isn't. It probably isn't. So, that means I still do not know where she is.
I don't want to bother this girl that just MIGHT be her.
I don't want it confirmed that she doesn't want to talk to me, or acknowledge me, or remember me.
I walk back down the row towards the stairs on the outside. A conversation pops up, they are wondering about something on the ceiling/arch like place above them. One asks the other "are they alive, are they tiny birds or insects or what?" I look up. I see like living lights, it's hard to describe. They are not simple balls of light, they have some shape to them, but it's fuzzy and indistinct. Like a loose form of a bird, I'd say most likely. They are light primary colors, like Easter colors, those odd washed-out colors of red and blue and green and yellow.
But I loose interest and keep on walking.
I go back to the place "under the stairs" where I first saw her, but still nobody else is there. I just stand there, hunched over a bit because the ceiling is too low, in a haze of melancholy.
Soon, everything fades to white. I can stand up now, and move around, and see shadows of things and people as it were, but I don't care.
I put my hand up to my heart, it should be racing, but I don't feel anything. It's like I don't even exist. But I don't exist inside something, surrounded by others. But they all pass me by, and they are oblivious of anything being wrong.
I wake up with my eyes closed. I bring the melancholy back with me ... great, first dream I recall in a long time and this is what I gain from it? I feel over my heart, but I feel nothing. I press my hand in, still nothing.
I type these words ... still nothing but ghost-beatings. I feel it beating, but when I put my hand there nothing. It is like it is beating from far away, through layers upon layers of gauze. I sense it, kind of feel the dull thudding. But my hand feels nothing.
Not even on my jugular.
I test my fingers, they can still feel.
I test my body, it is still there ... dominated by a threatening intestinal gurgle that means I do not want to give it any release or it will all come out.
IS this my answer? Is this what my life really is? I should care, I should be motivated, but all I feel is my intestines gurgling more and more. And quiet still constant breathing.
And I wander off again with that. Another stop in the bathroom just in case, then off to bed for like 3 more hours sleep if it will let me back in.
Make that two more hours ...
meh
One time it is night and we are at a restaurant. It all seems so fun and easy. I am happy, forgetting myself, not worried about anything, talking to this one girl with ease, this friend.
It is nice to just hang out with them, with her. I feel myself without any ego or worry, I can just be.
She can just be as well.
Existence With Ease
...
Our group makes it to the Orchestra Stadium. There are many layers. I get separated from her and make my way up to find us good seats.
But the climbing is hard, very hard. You really have to hang on and pull yourself up step to step, others are having trouble too. It feels very dangerous trying to climb. Very steep narrow steps, each one very high. People grasping the few hand rails for support.
I get some great seats, but where is she? I go looking for her. I have to climb down.
Climbing down is far worse!
I see a male child, just from the back, and I worry about him. As well as a few others. Who built this place? Why does it have to be so hard?
I get to one indentation / level and then climb down much more manageable steps to get to the very bottom, which almost seems like it's "under the bleachers" kind of a place.
(at some point, there seems to be a time where we get to talk with the Conductor.)
That's where I find her. I crawl in there, and it has no seats and you can't really see out very well. There seems to be a view of huge screens, but it is hard to tell.
I ask her why she picked this place, how can she see anything?
She asks me where my special packet from this place is. It is a large white envelope as big as a book and has lots of stuff in it.
So, I go back up a level, I am sure I saw them there.
I did, I go to ask for mine, but stop. Where is my Event Badge, where is my Orchestra Ticket, where is my Identification (wallet)?
I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING.
So, I get panicky. I get quiet and I let others go in front of me. I try to speak up, but I'm not very confident or convincing so others keep passing in front of me/called forward by the employee.
He has some kind of light board there, he is having a good time with a customer who is in awe of it, a little boy (well, 12 early teens).
I kind of sneak around them and find my packet and move out of there.
I go back to the girl but ...
she's not there any more.
Nobody is, there is no sign anybody ever was.
So, I go looking for her. I told her where I found us great seats, maybe she went there?
I clamber up the steps and ...
now the place has changed a bit.
For one thing, there is a piece of ceiling over this section, now.
And other things. But it seems to be the same place just different.
I pass by all these people in my Group, but not a single one acknowledges my presence. I am still panicky from my packet-getting episode and then not finding her, so I go all quiet.
It bothers me that nobody acknowledges my presence, even if I don't really have much to say right now (which is why I don't start any conversations) and I'm melancholy, still why isn't anybody acknowledging me?
Is that her? She is turned from me, I can see her cheek but her eyes are not facing mine so she can't see me.. She is there third in that row.
I smile and my hand starts to rise to make a wave at her. But, my smile fades as my hand falls back to my side.
She isn't seeing me.
A male on one side and a female on the other side of her now have her attention.
Is it really her? How can I be 100% sure?
Maybe it isn't. It probably isn't. So, that means I still do not know where she is.
I don't want to bother this girl that just MIGHT be her.
I don't want it confirmed that she doesn't want to talk to me, or acknowledge me, or remember me.
I walk back down the row towards the stairs on the outside. A conversation pops up, they are wondering about something on the ceiling/arch like place above them. One asks the other "are they alive, are they tiny birds or insects or what?" I look up. I see like living lights, it's hard to describe. They are not simple balls of light, they have some shape to them, but it's fuzzy and indistinct. Like a loose form of a bird, I'd say most likely. They are light primary colors, like Easter colors, those odd washed-out colors of red and blue and green and yellow.
But I loose interest and keep on walking.
I go back to the place "under the stairs" where I first saw her, but still nobody else is there. I just stand there, hunched over a bit because the ceiling is too low, in a haze of melancholy.
Soon, everything fades to white. I can stand up now, and move around, and see shadows of things and people as it were, but I don't care.
I put my hand up to my heart, it should be racing, but I don't feel anything. It's like I don't even exist. But I don't exist inside something, surrounded by others. But they all pass me by, and they are oblivious of anything being wrong.
I wake up with my eyes closed. I bring the melancholy back with me ... great, first dream I recall in a long time and this is what I gain from it? I feel over my heart, but I feel nothing. I press my hand in, still nothing.
I type these words ... still nothing but ghost-beatings. I feel it beating, but when I put my hand there nothing. It is like it is beating from far away, through layers upon layers of gauze. I sense it, kind of feel the dull thudding. But my hand feels nothing.
Not even on my jugular.
I test my fingers, they can still feel.
I test my body, it is still there ... dominated by a threatening intestinal gurgle that means I do not want to give it any release or it will all come out.
IS this my answer? Is this what my life really is? I should care, I should be motivated, but all I feel is my intestines gurgling more and more. And quiet still constant breathing.
And I wander off again with that. Another stop in the bathroom just in case, then off to bed for like 3 more hours sleep if it will let me back in.
Make that two more hours ...
meh
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Never Got There
I am trying to get to a meeting/event, but I never got there.
I have a map, but for some reason I only have partial directions.
I guess I thought I could remember the last street to turn left onto and the address.
I do fine, getting to the road that curves up and off the straight road I was on, but then I think the traffic confused me because I forget where I am going.
I turn around and find a building to go into to get directions.
I can't even say what this building contains. It may be a hotel?
I start to ask directions, but I am stopped and said the best place to ask for directions is downstairs.
So, I go downstairs.
There is a restaurant there. Almost like a fast food sandwich place?
But it also seemed to be something else at the same time, like a salon?
And now I am suddenly part of a group travelling, but I am unsure of my travel mates.
We sit down to eat.
But, I am antsy because I keep remembering I am supposed to be getting directions and on my way! I only gave myself so many minutes leeway to find the place.
So, I ask for directions, but as I am asking I am forgetting where I am going, which is very frustrating.
I feel so stupid, why didn't I just bring the entire directions?
The young woman helping me is probably around 24? She reminds me a little of Claudia in Warehouse 13, something she says about her chair seems to be a reference to that show.
I try to say "like Warehouse 13" to find out/show I get the reference, but I am drowned out by others talking.
I didn't eat.
I am back at my place suddenly and getting ready to try the trip again, but I look at the clock and realize I have to go now or not at all. I get back to the same part of the road, look at my directions and ... they stop. I can't believe this is happening a second time, I was set on being more organized this time!
I calm down, and try to "see" the way in my head. No good. Darnit!!!!!
So, I go back into the same building. I head straight for the downstairs restaurant.
But, I see it's closed and the lights are out.
I start back up the stairs when I almost run into a woman slightly taller than me, 30's or 40's. long blondish-brown hair, white, pretty, and she starts when she sees me. She gives a shy smile as if she thinks I'm cute. She tells me she is going downstairs for a book study, then corrects herself and says Bible study. Then she continues on downstairs.
I get back upstairs and on out to the steps and sit down in defeat. I'm never going to get there, why was I so stupid, etc.
I notice it is early evening the sun is down.
Then I see a white mouse/rat in the green grass. It sniffs at me all friendly like. I let it.
There is a big guy next to me now, dark features.
He says the rat/mouse is a part of the hotel and is nice.
He says he can show me the way, so we get in (my?) car and he is the driver.
He has a lot of his stuff he puts towards me.
A big square duffel bag (beige) and matching gloves (also light beige).
I am not comfortable with this situation all of a sudden.
I just want to give up and go home all by myself.
I tell him this but he doesn't listen, I know he hears me.
I am more forceful but polite in asking him to stop the car and get out I want to just go home.
He ignores me again.
So, I turn the ignition key myself and pull the key out so the car coasts between a couple trees and finally comes to a stop.
He says we could have had some fun! There is great fishing spots he was going to show me. He was even going to let me try on his gloves.
He insists I try them on now, I politely refuse.
I make him take all his stuff, and thank him.
I scoot over and back into the driver's seat.
But, I am so frustrated at the uselessness of it all that I wake up from the dream.
I have a map, but for some reason I only have partial directions.
I guess I thought I could remember the last street to turn left onto and the address.
I do fine, getting to the road that curves up and off the straight road I was on, but then I think the traffic confused me because I forget where I am going.
I turn around and find a building to go into to get directions.
I can't even say what this building contains. It may be a hotel?
I start to ask directions, but I am stopped and said the best place to ask for directions is downstairs.
So, I go downstairs.
There is a restaurant there. Almost like a fast food sandwich place?
But it also seemed to be something else at the same time, like a salon?
And now I am suddenly part of a group travelling, but I am unsure of my travel mates.
We sit down to eat.
But, I am antsy because I keep remembering I am supposed to be getting directions and on my way! I only gave myself so many minutes leeway to find the place.
So, I ask for directions, but as I am asking I am forgetting where I am going, which is very frustrating.
I feel so stupid, why didn't I just bring the entire directions?
The young woman helping me is probably around 24? She reminds me a little of Claudia in Warehouse 13, something she says about her chair seems to be a reference to that show.
I try to say "like Warehouse 13" to find out/show I get the reference, but I am drowned out by others talking.
I didn't eat.
I am back at my place suddenly and getting ready to try the trip again, but I look at the clock and realize I have to go now or not at all. I get back to the same part of the road, look at my directions and ... they stop. I can't believe this is happening a second time, I was set on being more organized this time!
I calm down, and try to "see" the way in my head. No good. Darnit!!!!!
So, I go back into the same building. I head straight for the downstairs restaurant.
But, I see it's closed and the lights are out.
I start back up the stairs when I almost run into a woman slightly taller than me, 30's or 40's. long blondish-brown hair, white, pretty, and she starts when she sees me. She gives a shy smile as if she thinks I'm cute. She tells me she is going downstairs for a book study, then corrects herself and says Bible study. Then she continues on downstairs.
I get back upstairs and on out to the steps and sit down in defeat. I'm never going to get there, why was I so stupid, etc.
I notice it is early evening the sun is down.
Then I see a white mouse/rat in the green grass. It sniffs at me all friendly like. I let it.
There is a big guy next to me now, dark features.
He says the rat/mouse is a part of the hotel and is nice.
He says he can show me the way, so we get in (my?) car and he is the driver.
He has a lot of his stuff he puts towards me.
A big square duffel bag (beige) and matching gloves (also light beige).
I am not comfortable with this situation all of a sudden.
I just want to give up and go home all by myself.
I tell him this but he doesn't listen, I know he hears me.
I am more forceful but polite in asking him to stop the car and get out I want to just go home.
He ignores me again.
So, I turn the ignition key myself and pull the key out so the car coasts between a couple trees and finally comes to a stop.
He says we could have had some fun! There is great fishing spots he was going to show me. He was even going to let me try on his gloves.
He insists I try them on now, I politely refuse.
I make him take all his stuff, and thank him.
I scoot over and back into the driver's seat.
But, I am so frustrated at the uselessness of it all that I wake up from the dream.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Crazy Sale!
I keep coming back to this store, so this is kind of like a repeating dream but all in one night.
I go back to the things I had seen before that caught my eye. I had set aside (hidden) a "message" like item. Was it a book or audio? I am not quite sure. I don't even know if it was for me but I felt it was invited to listen to it but share it with others ... not sure. But I found it again and held on to it.
Another item was a book. It was about the Universe. It had "& Natch" as part of the cover. Natch ... short for naturally? I flipped through the book again and it just seemed so fascinating and full of knowledge and fun things to read and learn about. It had lots of natural science things like solar systems, planets, moons, galaxies, etc. etc. Lots of pictures and diagrams in full bursting color! And some of the pictures moved. But also lots of text. So I picked that up.
I saw another book that was pearl white big and I think had a big white flower on the front with a nice green stem in a clear glass vase. On it was a sticker for their "Crazy Sale" where many items had crazy % off, like this one was 27% off. My universe book was 77.7% off? I forget.
I don't remember taking this other bok, but it held my interest.
Next I walk over to a display that seems new to me. It has music on it. Records, cassette tapes, and CDs. Two stick out to me. One looked like "Pink Floyd" but it was spelled differently. Like "Punk Floyd" or something. It had the famous "Dark Side of the Moon" prism on it except it was upside down and backwards. So the rainbow was being sucked into the prism and turning back into white light (which has been a metaphoric idea for me for the end of separation).
Then I see a cool music video playing! I was mesmerized. I think it was by Metallica? But I am not a Metallica fan and it did not sound like their usual sound. But this song (instrumental as much as I heard of it) was captivating! I even started "singing" along with the song because it soon felt like I knew it or could feel it.
The logo was bluish silver metal with a big M like this /\/\ at the start and a big /\ A at the end.
The video was a concave semi-circle of metallic-stone looking spires (obsidian? magnetite?) and these paired up people dancing around it in a way that spoke of preparation and determination, sadness and righteous anger. They were all together but paired up one male with one female. Angels, warrior angels?
I wondered about that. I heard we look like them. I took a closer look and realized they were completely naked without shame or noticing each other being naked.
I looked closer at a female, her bust was small, and i was surprised to see she had nipples. Once I see the nipples I am look "oops" and back off with my eyes and stop focusing on that. I didn't want them to think I was being lascivious.
They don't seem to mind (because for a moment there i was inside that place with them, in the center, watching them) and they allowed/forgave my moment of curiosity. There were these blue lines of lightening that arced between the spires, jumped around them. It was very awe-inspiring!
I grabbed both CDs. At the table, each customer was pleasantly surprised and talking about an item they were selling at the check out table. I can't remember what it was, though, but it caused quite the sensation.
I go back to the things I had seen before that caught my eye. I had set aside (hidden) a "message" like item. Was it a book or audio? I am not quite sure. I don't even know if it was for me but I felt it was invited to listen to it but share it with others ... not sure. But I found it again and held on to it.
Another item was a book. It was about the Universe. It had "& Natch" as part of the cover. Natch ... short for naturally? I flipped through the book again and it just seemed so fascinating and full of knowledge and fun things to read and learn about. It had lots of natural science things like solar systems, planets, moons, galaxies, etc. etc. Lots of pictures and diagrams in full bursting color! And some of the pictures moved. But also lots of text. So I picked that up.
I saw another book that was pearl white big and I think had a big white flower on the front with a nice green stem in a clear glass vase. On it was a sticker for their "Crazy Sale" where many items had crazy % off, like this one was 27% off. My universe book was 77.7% off? I forget.
I don't remember taking this other bok, but it held my interest.
Next I walk over to a display that seems new to me. It has music on it. Records, cassette tapes, and CDs. Two stick out to me. One looked like "Pink Floyd" but it was spelled differently. Like "Punk Floyd" or something. It had the famous "Dark Side of the Moon" prism on it except it was upside down and backwards. So the rainbow was being sucked into the prism and turning back into white light (which has been a metaphoric idea for me for the end of separation).
Then I see a cool music video playing! I was mesmerized. I think it was by Metallica? But I am not a Metallica fan and it did not sound like their usual sound. But this song (instrumental as much as I heard of it) was captivating! I even started "singing" along with the song because it soon felt like I knew it or could feel it.
The logo was bluish silver metal with a big M like this /\/\ at the start and a big /\ A at the end.
The video was a concave semi-circle of metallic-stone looking spires (obsidian? magnetite?) and these paired up people dancing around it in a way that spoke of preparation and determination, sadness and righteous anger. They were all together but paired up one male with one female. Angels, warrior angels?
I wondered about that. I heard we look like them. I took a closer look and realized they were completely naked without shame or noticing each other being naked.
I looked closer at a female, her bust was small, and i was surprised to see she had nipples. Once I see the nipples I am look "oops" and back off with my eyes and stop focusing on that. I didn't want them to think I was being lascivious.
They don't seem to mind (because for a moment there i was inside that place with them, in the center, watching them) and they allowed/forgave my moment of curiosity. There were these blue lines of lightening that arced between the spires, jumped around them. It was very awe-inspiring!
I grabbed both CDs. At the table, each customer was pleasantly surprised and talking about an item they were selling at the check out table. I can't remember what it was, though, but it caused quite the sensation.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Random - Asteroid Shuttles & Showing Photos
Asteroid Shuttles
I was watching, I am a part of, this event. We are being calm despite the danger. Why should we panic and sour our souls there's nothing we can do either we make it out or we don't. The ones that do make it were supposed to, why ruin their chances by preventing their passage by getting in their way?
The asteroids have started hitting the shuttle field. I watch them strike a shuttle just as it was starting to take off, and then hit a group of people. I have to re-double my efforts to remain calm because if I am to die I will and if I die with fear and doubt I will sour my soul and I'll have to come back here again.
It isn't easy, but I manage, and I don't get hit by an asteroid falling all over the place. I make it onto a shuttle and it zooms off, but how far we actually make it I have no idea.
***
Showing Photos
I was asleep right next to one like unto my sister.
She was starting to see through this manipulator and taking my side.
I am showing photos to her (I think) and am surprised I took some video too.
There is dancing on a small stage and in chairs set up in front of it, just one row just a few.
Some are drunk.
There was violence .... a massacre, a shoot-out.
It looked like a weird bowling alley from these rows of wooden shelving I thought were for holding bowling balls. Bodies were curled up in there. I was hoping they were just asleep.
But I had other photos of executed people in a white tile sauna like room.
And I watched a hoot-out outside. It was very green, manicured lawns with gentle hills and landscaping, some white pieces like columns and little buildings. I saw a female well-dressed FBI agent (I think) trading gun fire with others.
Someone there (dad?) wanted to keep my (sister?) from seeing some of the photos. Not letting her decide for herself. Some were disturbing. She was arguing she wanted to see them she wasn't a child she could handle it and chose for herself. He took them anyway.
But he didn't take all of them. He walks off, thinking he's won. I point to the pocket where the other photos are and she sees and smiles and picks them up, looks through them silently, then hugs me.
"Didn't they upset you?"
"Yes, they did. But I am more upset that they upset you, so I wanted to comfort you now that I know what you have suffered through.
But she wasn't anything like my sister then, and I wondered if she ever was. She seemed like my best friend, my guardian angel.
****
Cat in the Box
I don't remember all the details save one now as I try to add to this this evening.
A small group of people (3-5) guided me to a covered thing. I go to it, and two of them ceremoniously pull the cover off. Under it is a big box, plastic I think. There is a clear part and a door you can open. Inside is a black and white cat! It is black on top and white underneath, with white on it's face (on the bottom half mainly).
I don't know what to say. It seems at the same time great to have an animal friend but I worry if I can take proper care of it and how much it will cost. I am both gratified at the kindness of my friends yet simultaneously upset that they would force this on me.
What am I going to do now?
I was watching, I am a part of, this event. We are being calm despite the danger. Why should we panic and sour our souls there's nothing we can do either we make it out or we don't. The ones that do make it were supposed to, why ruin their chances by preventing their passage by getting in their way?
The asteroids have started hitting the shuttle field. I watch them strike a shuttle just as it was starting to take off, and then hit a group of people. I have to re-double my efforts to remain calm because if I am to die I will and if I die with fear and doubt I will sour my soul and I'll have to come back here again.
It isn't easy, but I manage, and I don't get hit by an asteroid falling all over the place. I make it onto a shuttle and it zooms off, but how far we actually make it I have no idea.
***
Showing Photos
I was asleep right next to one like unto my sister.
She was starting to see through this manipulator and taking my side.
I am showing photos to her (I think) and am surprised I took some video too.
There is dancing on a small stage and in chairs set up in front of it, just one row just a few.
Some are drunk.
There was violence .... a massacre, a shoot-out.
It looked like a weird bowling alley from these rows of wooden shelving I thought were for holding bowling balls. Bodies were curled up in there. I was hoping they were just asleep.
But I had other photos of executed people in a white tile sauna like room.
And I watched a hoot-out outside. It was very green, manicured lawns with gentle hills and landscaping, some white pieces like columns and little buildings. I saw a female well-dressed FBI agent (I think) trading gun fire with others.
Someone there (dad?) wanted to keep my (sister?) from seeing some of the photos. Not letting her decide for herself. Some were disturbing. She was arguing she wanted to see them she wasn't a child she could handle it and chose for herself. He took them anyway.
But he didn't take all of them. He walks off, thinking he's won. I point to the pocket where the other photos are and she sees and smiles and picks them up, looks through them silently, then hugs me.
"Didn't they upset you?"
"Yes, they did. But I am more upset that they upset you, so I wanted to comfort you now that I know what you have suffered through.
But she wasn't anything like my sister then, and I wondered if she ever was. She seemed like my best friend, my guardian angel.
****
Cat in the Box
I don't remember all the details save one now as I try to add to this this evening.
A small group of people (3-5) guided me to a covered thing. I go to it, and two of them ceremoniously pull the cover off. Under it is a big box, plastic I think. There is a clear part and a door you can open. Inside is a black and white cat! It is black on top and white underneath, with white on it's face (on the bottom half mainly).
I don't know what to say. It seems at the same time great to have an animal friend but I worry if I can take proper care of it and how much it will cost. I am both gratified at the kindness of my friends yet simultaneously upset that they would force this on me.
What am I going to do now?
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