I was talking to a friend. I had finally calmed her down and gotten her to talk things out with me, so that she could focus on her own path again when ...
My boss at work comes into the room. Everything around her changes. She says she's been hearing some things and wants to know if I want to come in and talk to her.
No ... I don't.
and I woke up venting:
No I don't want to talk to you
the last 2 times did not go very well
when I needed you, you failed me
why would I want to make it a third time?
It's all about what you want to say, how you see things
I might as well have not been there, I was superfluous.
Now ...
You have your spies whispering negative gossip and innuendos in your ear
Because apparently that is the best way to get attention from you
and you trust them over reality
you trust gossip from your spy network over what is real
as you keep people here, placating them, who are bad
but those that are good you ignore or don't respect or appreciate
But
You won't listen to that
why should you?
you are on your power trip
you can see things however you like
i am just a peon
i am just a slave
no matter how high I jump when you say jump
you will still turn on me whenever you feel like it
just cause
my last boss pretended to care about me, too
gave me mixed blessings
said how reliable I am and a good worker
but over-reacted when she thought i was doing wrong
that piece of paper you have keep from her
where I was written up
I was put between two hard cases
I had to move with the current throwing me under
so I could survive it still breathing
bruised but alive
she threaten me with insubordination
"go home and think about it"
rather than listen to my side of things.
I was wrong period
It was not fair.
And you are not fair, either.
Therefore there is no point in talking to you
you have already cemented your opinion of me
you already give me piss-poor reviews that do not match all I do here
as if I am like everybody else ... I am not, nobody is
as if your little spies know me any better
they don't, they don't have the eyes in their hearts to see me properly
I deserve raises
I will never get one
I deserve respect
but that apparently will take it away from others
You are the kind of manager/boss
that in order to be seen as doing your job
you have to find ways to save the company money
I suppose
but why do you not give trouble to the workers who are actual bad workers
and instead give trouble to those of us just trying to do our jobs ...
with a smile, with a heart, with out getting a heart attack.
You've already made up your mind.
The security goons are already on their way
to escort me to the gates of oblivion
this apocalyptic landscape that is the US economy
go ahead, throw me to the debt hounds
for no real reason at all
but the ones you've made up based on lack of context spy rumours.
***
I was talking about something at work yesterday in the cafeteria
and my boss walked by
I don't know what she heard
or what exactly I was saying
I don't trust her
she relies on her 'little spies" instead of the truth
I can't really just be
I'm never going to get a raise!
I'm never going to be heard by her!
I have no idea what to say, how to say it, how to be myself while hiding at the same time
wearing a mask of lies for her to be calmed from seeing
I DO my job, and I am like the heart here.
I lift spirits.
But my work doesn't go appreciated
even if it did, I would then have to be at a constant work level that would be impossible to continue
GAWD this world sux!
I hate it here
there is nothing i can do about it
I am tired of it!
I am tired of the bullshit
I am tired of the deceptions
I am tired of the deceptions and bullshit WINNING
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