I am in a complex amalgam of a place. It has many areas to it. It has a house, a dorm room, a building too!
The building has a central cavernous room with lots of light switches and stairs. Seems awfully plain to me, white. Lots of stairs, going in different directions, to different doors, behind which I would be in a conference room, or an office, or a dorm room, or a house, or out in the woods somewhere. We are guided when in this building, a group of us, and ushered to go through a certain door. The group peeled off to go to different doors.
One time I am with a group and we need to recall what directions to follow. It was dark, not pitch black mind you, but more light would certainly help. So, voluntarily, I flicked on several light switches to help light our way. Even though not all the light switches worked, I felt some relief from my group. Still, a lot of them took pains to pretend not to notice or that it was not my doing or whatever. But 2 or 3 noticed and thanked me. I felt a little hurt from the people who acted as if this was nothing or even "wrong" while at the same time I felt embarrassed with the people who noticed and praised me.
A member of my family went so far as to run over to the light switch I just turned on and turned it off with much gusto and fanfare, but all that did was put ONLY members of my family in the dark (it was a weird effect, like an shadow spot light, a spot shadow?) and they slowed down as they couldn't see where they were going. I had to keep going with my group so I didn't have time to fix that.
(NOTE: I can't remember a lot now. Why do dreams fade from memory like this? Are they only in your short term memory or in a different memory bank altogether, made only for dreams, and it just so happens you can/it leaks to your short term?)
I open a door and I am in a house. Soon the members of my group that came with me change. They become other people, sometimes they look the same but their aspects of their lives are different. Some change more drastically. They all take on roles like actors. How interesting! Except now I am falling into my role as well. I mean to resist and stay ME so I can observe the others doing this, but I just gradually become my role instead.
I have to wait here. But I am not sure what I am waiting for will come to pass. I should, then, move on to something else, but I can't. I have to wait this out for as long as possible, even if it seems more like it is in vain and nothing will happen next. I can go to room to room, waiting room to waiting room I suppose, as I play the waiting game.
NOTE: Obviously this role I am playing is far more patient than waking me :o) I mean, I CAN be patient, but if waiting upsets me I get frustrated and angry and upset and impatient. If I feel I can't make progress because of my limitations (I don't have the best hand-eye coordination it seems, so if I have a task to try to fix something with small parts or it's not cooperating and just getting worse, it upsets me).
NOTE: I am missing details here as well like ... I got here by car, not by walking through a door, is one change to this role. I recalled some of the car ride here. I was not the driver, a friend saw me at the bus stop and picked me up. I am sure I dreamed that particular event because I talked to an online friend and that happened to her. I had "prayed" for that for her (and at the same time saw it in my minds eye), and moments later she tells me it happened! I hadn't even told her yet I was "praying" for that!
I end up in a room and I am looking through some of my stuff. One of my items is a scrap book and a Ziploc baggie full of stuff. I put the book on the table and dump out the contents of the bag. I am bored, so I decide to arrange the stuff from the bag on the table. I forget what they start out to be, but my memory is when they are mainly pictures of different women. Full body shots, smiling at the viewer. Most are close up of their smiling face. I arrange them in a matrix on the table like a game of Memory. I don't really look at them, I am just arranging them to pass the time.
Then I notice that some of the pictures have changed. One woman in the pictures starts to repeat. The pictures of her seem bigger. She is naked now. Then I look closer because I thought I saw a movement and it is sexual in nature now.
I am embarrassed, what if people see me? I am embarrassed to be embarrassed for being interested. It's her choice, I am just admiring the beauty of Creation.
Still ...
I hear that I can go now, so I quickly get all my stuff together in a bag to leave ... except I leave the scrap book and the pics on the table.
I am about to follow a nice woman when a man runs right in front of me, almost knocking me over! He runs into a wall, running too fast to stop, but he uses his arms to break his run into the wall and flips around and puts his back against the wall. Another man is coming towards him saying "No where to run, no where to hide, no more shadow fleeing from the sun, no more water trying to escape up the beach with the tide, for you no more bad fun, it's time to pay for those that cried". It sounded like a song.
The man being chased reached out for me, and for a moment I was looking through his eyes, and as I was I saw an escape route, the man chasing me had not come around the corner yet, I could still be safe!
But I manage to "pull" myself away. I see the man from myself again and he is reaching out, but this time more plaintively. (It's as if if I am him he can escape, but if I'm not he can't?) I turn around and walk away. I try to go through the door that girl went through, I see her through the glass. (Is it a regular door in a hallway, or a shop door, or a shower door?) I see her turning around and smiling at me.
"Finally" I think as my hand turns the handle "I can be --" and I stop short as I swing the glass door open.
Because when I reach the other side she is not there. I stop and stare, confused. Too late I run back to the door, but it has closed and locked. Is it my fault or did it just happen or was it done to me out of cruelty?
She is gone. My pack is gone, too. All I had is gone (pack), all I was going to have is not there (girl).
And then this entire world is gone because that is when I wake up. I have a mix of relief and melancholy.
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