Part 1: From the Female
I had a great night out, full of friends and fun!
I drove home, and someone was in the driveway, calling out to meet them. So, I get out of my car and go talk to her.
She is talking on the phone. She hands it to me. It is Sharri on the other line. She is just talking away all about herself and when I try to make an innocent comment, she gets super upset.
I try to make it better, but she is determined to have it turn into an argument, and one she wins.
I say I am sorry, but it will be best for the both of us if I just hang up the phone right now. and do so.
Moments later she appears right there in person, and says "You can't get away that easily!"
"You have already decided, in your warped mind, that you want this argument and I am the bad guy and you win. I cannot say anything to change this. You want bad for yourself, and I am snot a real person but a bit actor in your drama. So, just do that without me and let me go to bed in peace."
That shut her up, and so I went inside to go to bed.
(we actually talked longer, but the details are fuzzy. she said she had been out all night looking for imaginary characters (Goofy and .. who?) and I said "Oh, when I was out I saw Goofy and one other, but not the other you were looking for." And she got mad at me as if I was keeping that information, or that character, from her on purpose. When 1) I didn't even know she was looking for them and 2) I do not own their schedules! Also there was always noise on her side or something getting in the way of our conversation from her end, yet she always blamed me. Which is why I called this "Ridiculous").
***
Part 2: From the Male
That was bad enough. But no, I had to have a ridiculous argument with my dad after!
He woke me up from a sound sleep because he wanted me up. So, I get dressed. He came back in the room and told me how wrong my shirt was. I counter-argued and kept the shirt on.
Then he wanted me to straighten up a pile of shoes. So, I did that. But I kept kicking them out of order again because they were in a narrow space, so I moved them out of that area altogether. My dad said words that were meant to show how stupid I was for moving the shoes and putting them there of all places -- the new place that is!
I just ignored him this time.
Then he started in on my hair, or really lack there of. "You know, John. How can you hope to have people respect you and have a good life like me if you continue to shave your head to the skin. You like like an idiot or a thug."
"Would you stop sabotaging? That is all you do! You have to have others be helpless in front of you because YOU are the one who feels helpless, and if you deflect that to others you think you will feel OK. BUt if that is true, why do you keep on deflecting it anyway? Just because someone asks for help, doesn't mean they are helpless! Sometimes it is simply being human, sometimes it is a way to gain togetherness, comradery, things like that."
He dismissed that.
A little later, I ask what is REALLY bothering him, I mean really. He wants to be quiet and say non-meaningful things and keep the focus on my present "stupidities" from his POV, but finally he says it.
"You just kept on hitting that button and costing me taxes!"
"What button?"
"In the restaurant!"
"What restaurant, when?"
"YOU know."
"Well, you are not being specific enough." The nI try to lighten the situation with a joke. "Could you tell me more, I've slept since then."
He almost smiled, but covered it up right away so I wouldn't "win" and just glowered.
So, I was left to figure it out on my own devices. Eventually I worked out a possibility and told him.
"You mean the apple cider machine at that one restaurant?"
"See, I knew you were just playing dumb."
I decided not to talk to that, instead I said "What did I do? And ... just tell me, ok?"
"You pushed the wrong button and it cost me taxes."
"That doesn't make sense. Shouldn't you blame the restaurant for making a ridiculous system like that in order to trick the customers out of their money? And if it is taxes, isn't that the government? Why are they tricking you out of your money?"
"Fine. Just pass the blame like you always do."
"Dad! That is not fair! OK, let's say I am, for the sake of argument, then let's see how it is remotely my fault."
He just glowers at me again.
"I know, I know, I am the one who pushed the button. But,did you ever go to that machine yourself and look at it?"
"I was near that machine but I never used it."
"OK, so did you look at it?"
"I guess ..."
"Well, there were two red buttons side by side. Same color, same size, same shape, same style."
"OK?"
"And so they invited confusion that way! They made it easier for people to mistakenly push the wrong button! Heck, maybe BOTH buttons would have cost you taxes I don't know! Did you ever consider that, dad?"
Mumbles "no, not really."
"And, that was years ago! Why are you keeping my so-called 'mistakes' forever on the books?"
---
And that is when my eyes opened. So I closed them.
"Look, I have to end this now and get up for real. Try something different this time, dad. Try to take other people's ways of doing things as just that. And try to forgive or at least forget their past 'wrongs' to you. OK? You have less of a burden that way."
"But you do that to me."
"Not nearly the same thing. I don't keep hold of your mistakes, I am forced to not be able to forget your long string of on-purpose bullying. You bring it up every time you do another one, like this exchange. You do it on purpose. My mistakes are just that, being human. What is so terrible about me wanting to be me and having you love me as is? You are making promises you do not keep, you are going on trips with everyone BUT me, and when you come home you don't even tell me you are back.
I do not do what I do to harm or judge others like you do. Now, quit reminding me of your bad side and say something nice, something real before I get up. please."
"My only real burden is having a first-born son in you."
"Great, thanks dad! You never really surprise me."
And that is what I woke up with.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Maze of Domes
I suppose this is influenced by watching the season premiere of "Under the Dome" late last night ....
Basically, all I can remember, is being inside a giant labyrinth. There were many parts to it, puzzles, keys, and domes. Spinning domes, golden energy domes, silver domes that opened. Voices were leading me through. I was calm for the most part, following step by step. 1, 2, 3 on to the next part. Sometimes I had to go up, sometimes I had to go down. Not just the cardinal directions, then ... OK. But what does it all mean? No clue.
Basically, all I can remember, is being inside a giant labyrinth. There were many parts to it, puzzles, keys, and domes. Spinning domes, golden energy domes, silver domes that opened. Voices were leading me through. I was calm for the most part, following step by step. 1, 2, 3 on to the next part. Sometimes I had to go up, sometimes I had to go down. Not just the cardinal directions, then ... OK. But what does it all mean? No clue.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Bad Bus; Good Car, Bad Road; Maze School
BAD BUS
I am in a bus. There are other passengers here. We are driving in a small town/between towns/rural place. The bus keeps taking us to places I do not want to be. I get out of the bus at one point just to be out of it. I end up in a school hallway. I cannot recall my locker combination. I am late for class! I try to make my way to the classroom. I want to be there!
(that is all that is clear to me)
GOOD CAR, BAD ROAD
I am driving in a similar place, but more like a city. No distinguishing landmarks, nothing familiar. I am having trouble getting to my destination! Cars keep cutting me off and honking at me! I am paying attention. I have space in front of me. I am going at a good speed not too fast, not too slow.
Now I get to a place I need to turn. I manage to get over in the correct turn lane. But it took so long! Nobody was letting me in! I finally have a gap left for me, but after I get over and wave "thank you" I just get a scowl and a blaring horn! Why? YOU let me in, what did I do wrong, why are you mad at me?
As is that is not bad enough, there is suddenly congestion. And NOW this is a bad lane to be in! There is a wreck or like ... big pieces on the road. A big concrete beam? And motor vehicles in a knot of an accident.
I manage to get back over to the right (I wanted to take a left turn, it has 2 left turn lanes, I needed to be in the farthest one over, so now I have to get over. BOTH turn lanes end up being blocked, but the place to turn is very close by now!)
I think I am clear now! I start to pull forward into this lane now, but all is dark. Are my eyes closed? I try to remain calm and "feel" where the next car is in front of me. I pull forward blind. Then I move forward just a LITTLE bit more.
I manage to make it OK. My eyes open finally.
***
I am not sure if this is part of the same dream, but if it is there is a jump or I forget what happened in-between. Anyway, I am driving and park. I end up in a building much like the school from before. It is same but different. There are a ton of people here all milling about.
This is similar, but a different layout from the last school. The entrance is practically the same, but the hallways are different. I go around a corner down a hallway and turn around to see stairs going up. There is a landing there. Parallel to the stairway hallway is another hallway on this floor (on the left). I feel if I want up those stairs I would hit the landing and in front of me would be stairs going down. I think that is all there is to it. No other ways or doors or stairs. All it does is ... it is like a bridge over water _^_
So I turn around and go through a maze of hallways and end up at lockers. They are tall and very thin and a very dark blue. They have vents on the top and bottom and seem very new and strong. There are small numbers in white, I am in the 30's or 300's. I am not sure which is mine, but it is somewhere here. I need a book from inside. But I cannot recall the combination! Does it have the numbers 30 and 31 in it? But it needs a third number, what is that .... 16?
I don't have time to mess with this, I'm running too late. I go through the halls. I thought I had my destination clear in my head, but it is all a maze and there are so many people sticking their foot out to trip me, or pushing other people in front of me, or trying to talk to me about some kind of nonsense.
I finally get to a "town square" like area. I mean a big square area with some rooms along the side. It has a central area that has stairs going down to a central square so the steps on all four sides make squares inside squares nested squares.
I have to be careful going down, because people sit on these stairs. They ignore the benches! They are making it unsafe. But I have to cut through the middle to get to my class room.
What class is it? I am not sure as I write this. Some kind of Liberal Arts/Humanities class. Social studies? History or psychology or something? I don't even know even though I DO know I am supposed to be there.
I manage to open the door and get inside. I get this bizarre feeling! At first it is relief! I DID IT I MADE IT I AM WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE!
and yet .... soon after, I get this sense of dread. The room is different somehow.
I wake up as I turn around to try the door but it will not open.
I am in a bus. There are other passengers here. We are driving in a small town/between towns/rural place. The bus keeps taking us to places I do not want to be. I get out of the bus at one point just to be out of it. I end up in a school hallway. I cannot recall my locker combination. I am late for class! I try to make my way to the classroom. I want to be there!
(that is all that is clear to me)
GOOD CAR, BAD ROAD
I am driving in a similar place, but more like a city. No distinguishing landmarks, nothing familiar. I am having trouble getting to my destination! Cars keep cutting me off and honking at me! I am paying attention. I have space in front of me. I am going at a good speed not too fast, not too slow.
Now I get to a place I need to turn. I manage to get over in the correct turn lane. But it took so long! Nobody was letting me in! I finally have a gap left for me, but after I get over and wave "thank you" I just get a scowl and a blaring horn! Why? YOU let me in, what did I do wrong, why are you mad at me?
As is that is not bad enough, there is suddenly congestion. And NOW this is a bad lane to be in! There is a wreck or like ... big pieces on the road. A big concrete beam? And motor vehicles in a knot of an accident.
I manage to get back over to the right (I wanted to take a left turn, it has 2 left turn lanes, I needed to be in the farthest one over, so now I have to get over. BOTH turn lanes end up being blocked, but the place to turn is very close by now!)
I think I am clear now! I start to pull forward into this lane now, but all is dark. Are my eyes closed? I try to remain calm and "feel" where the next car is in front of me. I pull forward blind. Then I move forward just a LITTLE bit more.
I manage to make it OK. My eyes open finally.
***
I am not sure if this is part of the same dream, but if it is there is a jump or I forget what happened in-between. Anyway, I am driving and park. I end up in a building much like the school from before. It is same but different. There are a ton of people here all milling about.
This is similar, but a different layout from the last school. The entrance is practically the same, but the hallways are different. I go around a corner down a hallway and turn around to see stairs going up. There is a landing there. Parallel to the stairway hallway is another hallway on this floor (on the left). I feel if I want up those stairs I would hit the landing and in front of me would be stairs going down. I think that is all there is to it. No other ways or doors or stairs. All it does is ... it is like a bridge over water _^_
So I turn around and go through a maze of hallways and end up at lockers. They are tall and very thin and a very dark blue. They have vents on the top and bottom and seem very new and strong. There are small numbers in white, I am in the 30's or 300's. I am not sure which is mine, but it is somewhere here. I need a book from inside. But I cannot recall the combination! Does it have the numbers 30 and 31 in it? But it needs a third number, what is that .... 16?
I don't have time to mess with this, I'm running too late. I go through the halls. I thought I had my destination clear in my head, but it is all a maze and there are so many people sticking their foot out to trip me, or pushing other people in front of me, or trying to talk to me about some kind of nonsense.
I finally get to a "town square" like area. I mean a big square area with some rooms along the side. It has a central area that has stairs going down to a central square so the steps on all four sides make squares inside squares nested squares.
I have to be careful going down, because people sit on these stairs. They ignore the benches! They are making it unsafe. But I have to cut through the middle to get to my class room.
What class is it? I am not sure as I write this. Some kind of Liberal Arts/Humanities class. Social studies? History or psychology or something? I don't even know even though I DO know I am supposed to be there.
I manage to open the door and get inside. I get this bizarre feeling! At first it is relief! I DID IT I MADE IT I AM WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE!
and yet .... soon after, I get this sense of dread. The room is different somehow.
I wake up as I turn around to try the door but it will not open.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Test Anxiety Dream, Take 1
I have a big important test on Saturday, to be certified for work. This is true. A nice lady helped me last night to study. I was not expecting this dream:
It is the kind of dark where you don't know if it is dawn or dusk. I am inside. There is someone with me, female. She tells me "you missed your test, didn't you?" "What test, OH NO!" And so I panicked. Asking what day it was, then the time, then A.M. or P.M. I finally established it was 6 A.M. on test day. I still had time, then, because it starts at 9 A.M.!
So, I rush around trying to get ready. I pick up some pants and shoes and run to the bathroom to shower. But the pants I am wearing are too tight and my skin is too sticky! I am having the worse time trying to get the pants off so I can shower. Meanwhile that female keeps bugging me! She won't just let me be, she is being the opposite of helpful, it is really aggravating. As if that were not bad enough, she comes to the bathroom door! "Do you mind? I told you I have to shower!" She acted all hurt as if she's been a good help and support this whole time. I finally get the pants off!
***
Now I am walking into a darkened living room. I am going to sit down and put on my shoes and tie them. I cannot find a clock any where! Ah, there is my cell phone. But it seems stuck on an odd screen, like a card game? So I push buttons to get to the home screen. It won't do it. Next, I try to have the screen go to sleep so I can wake it up and see the time. Still not good. So then I hold down the power button so I can get it to restart, still nothing!
I then see I am wearing these strange pants. They fit fine, but they are white with blue stripes. What the heck are THESE THINGS? SO, I have to change pants. But then I put on my shoes and as I walk a strange powder comes out of them, then I see it is like smoke! How can my shoes be on fire? I don't have any other shoes to change into, I end up taking off the shoes, waiting a bit, hearing comments from unseen people about moving so fast my shoes caught on fire. So, I close my eyes and slow my breathing, and blindly put my shoes back on and wait a moment. I open my eyes and my shoes are OK. But then I see a digital clock with red numbers that has the time as 8:45.
Shit, I'm supposed to be there 1/2 hour earlier than the 9:00 test time! So I rush out the door (after making sure I had changed pants -- yep -- and that my shoes were OK -- yep -- I don't have time for this!) and as I try to find my car, I am trying the whole time to restart my phone! It won't work! But I keep trying.
***
Then ... Strangeness. I guess I am so into getting my stupid phone to work again, I am not paying attention, because I see a large double iron gate (it has a nice curved top to it, so it is for a mansion or something) and I see it closing on me! I rush forward and I am able to make it through and it closes behind me and I move forward a bit and ... hang on, I'm going to WALK to the test? I thought I was coming out here to get in my car! So I turn around to go through the gate again. When I see game characters playing a game and part of the game is to solve the puzzle of the gate. They solve it and I fear I am a bit too far away to simply follow them through. I beg at least one of them to hold the gate for me or something. It isn't going to work, it isn't going to work, it isn't .... oh good, it worked! One of them was nice enough and I make it through the gate! PHEW! Now to find the car ...
But that is when I hear that my phone has re-started! As I go to the car I am fiddling with the phone trying to have it tell me the time, but instead I have accidentally started a game!
I cannot quit the game! I have to play through it before I can get to a screen so I can exit it. So, I think I can do that, but realize it will take too long, so here I am concentrating on the screen so it takes up my view and practically makes me inside the game trying to get myself killed asap, but how many lives do they start me out with? I seem to be losing a lot, here. It is a side-scrolling action platformer. Old-school. Like Aladin.
I FINALLY die and can exit the game, but something else is going on right in front of me! This young woman comes running up to me, begging for help. It seems her friends are loosing themselves to a game, the game is becoming their reality! "See? She has already drawing one of my friends in with her!" I see a guy jumping and floating around as if by magic, only slightly following the laws of physics. I try to stop him, I try to help him, but then another person joins in! This is not going well, what do I do?
... Then I realize that none of that matters because I was in the middle of getting to me car to take my test, what am I doing here? I turn to tell the young woman I have to go, but she is not there.
I finally get to my car and ... it isn't starting. I finally get my car to start ... funnily enough it starts at the same time I am able to get my phone to restart in the way it is SUPPOSED to be! PHEW!
But, it is now late. The test is already underway now. I consider going anyway and trying to talk my way in, but I just give up. I have my cell phone screen go blank and that has the car stop running, and I walk crestfallen back to the house.
Dejected and in shock, I plop down in a chair in the unlit living room. The woman from the start of the dream is here. "I thought you were going to take a test?" yes "Didn't you start with plenty of time?" yes "Then why were you out there wasting time playing games?" "Look! Just leave me alone! I tried to get out of here but it did not work, OK? And those games were from you!" She didn't even try to deny it, she just laughed.
Soon after, I woke up. Well, I thought I did but it turns out I was still dreaming. I hear a knocking at the door. At first, it is just like my room/apt IRL. I don't even question it as it morphs into something else. I go up to a big wooden door with all these locks on it. Well, I need to open it, anyway to get out to take my test. But ... so many locks! I remove one and now they door can be opened on a chain a crack. There on the other side I see two men. The one with the gun pointed at me says "we found this place in the phone book." I close the door, re-lock it, and rush away. As I am rushing away I quickly put a seal on the door and call out for help like a prayer or "in the astral" or maybe I said "through the astral" in the dream. I know help is coming, but will my seal on the door hold? It does. I see a man in a standing position with his arms by his side floating down towards my house, then away. He has taken away the robbers, but I cannot tell if he is the help I asked for or was coming to collect his robbers.
I finally make it out the house from another exit, and get in my car. But I forget where I was going. Someone in the back seat of the car reminds me it is to get to my test "but you're too late!"
...
That is when I FINALLY wake in the waking world for real this time. I wake with test panic. What day is it? What time is it? 8:57 am? Shit, I am not going to make it!! But that only lasts a moment as I come to my cell phone (which is working perfectly fine) to confirm that it is only Thursday, not Saturday. Which makes sense because I knew when I went to sleep it was Wednesday, and I have to work on Friday before the test day. But still ... I had a moment of panic to start me out!
So now I am going to have to remember to set multiple alarms on my phone and also on alarm clocks for Saturday morning to be sure I do not miss my test? OK, John, do not panic. Just calm down. Writing this dream down helped take my mind off the fear, but I still need to be sure I wake up in time for the test on Saturday. It stats at 9 am and I am to be there 1/2 hour before the test stats.
It is the kind of dark where you don't know if it is dawn or dusk. I am inside. There is someone with me, female. She tells me "you missed your test, didn't you?" "What test, OH NO!" And so I panicked. Asking what day it was, then the time, then A.M. or P.M. I finally established it was 6 A.M. on test day. I still had time, then, because it starts at 9 A.M.!
So, I rush around trying to get ready. I pick up some pants and shoes and run to the bathroom to shower. But the pants I am wearing are too tight and my skin is too sticky! I am having the worse time trying to get the pants off so I can shower. Meanwhile that female keeps bugging me! She won't just let me be, she is being the opposite of helpful, it is really aggravating. As if that were not bad enough, she comes to the bathroom door! "Do you mind? I told you I have to shower!" She acted all hurt as if she's been a good help and support this whole time. I finally get the pants off!
***
Now I am walking into a darkened living room. I am going to sit down and put on my shoes and tie them. I cannot find a clock any where! Ah, there is my cell phone. But it seems stuck on an odd screen, like a card game? So I push buttons to get to the home screen. It won't do it. Next, I try to have the screen go to sleep so I can wake it up and see the time. Still not good. So then I hold down the power button so I can get it to restart, still nothing!
I then see I am wearing these strange pants. They fit fine, but they are white with blue stripes. What the heck are THESE THINGS? SO, I have to change pants. But then I put on my shoes and as I walk a strange powder comes out of them, then I see it is like smoke! How can my shoes be on fire? I don't have any other shoes to change into, I end up taking off the shoes, waiting a bit, hearing comments from unseen people about moving so fast my shoes caught on fire. So, I close my eyes and slow my breathing, and blindly put my shoes back on and wait a moment. I open my eyes and my shoes are OK. But then I see a digital clock with red numbers that has the time as 8:45.
Shit, I'm supposed to be there 1/2 hour earlier than the 9:00 test time! So I rush out the door (after making sure I had changed pants -- yep -- and that my shoes were OK -- yep -- I don't have time for this!) and as I try to find my car, I am trying the whole time to restart my phone! It won't work! But I keep trying.
***
Then ... Strangeness. I guess I am so into getting my stupid phone to work again, I am not paying attention, because I see a large double iron gate (it has a nice curved top to it, so it is for a mansion or something) and I see it closing on me! I rush forward and I am able to make it through and it closes behind me and I move forward a bit and ... hang on, I'm going to WALK to the test? I thought I was coming out here to get in my car! So I turn around to go through the gate again. When I see game characters playing a game and part of the game is to solve the puzzle of the gate. They solve it and I fear I am a bit too far away to simply follow them through. I beg at least one of them to hold the gate for me or something. It isn't going to work, it isn't going to work, it isn't .... oh good, it worked! One of them was nice enough and I make it through the gate! PHEW! Now to find the car ...
But that is when I hear that my phone has re-started! As I go to the car I am fiddling with the phone trying to have it tell me the time, but instead I have accidentally started a game!
I cannot quit the game! I have to play through it before I can get to a screen so I can exit it. So, I think I can do that, but realize it will take too long, so here I am concentrating on the screen so it takes up my view and practically makes me inside the game trying to get myself killed asap, but how many lives do they start me out with? I seem to be losing a lot, here. It is a side-scrolling action platformer. Old-school. Like Aladin.
I FINALLY die and can exit the game, but something else is going on right in front of me! This young woman comes running up to me, begging for help. It seems her friends are loosing themselves to a game, the game is becoming their reality! "See? She has already drawing one of my friends in with her!" I see a guy jumping and floating around as if by magic, only slightly following the laws of physics. I try to stop him, I try to help him, but then another person joins in! This is not going well, what do I do?
... Then I realize that none of that matters because I was in the middle of getting to me car to take my test, what am I doing here? I turn to tell the young woman I have to go, but she is not there.
I finally get to my car and ... it isn't starting. I finally get my car to start ... funnily enough it starts at the same time I am able to get my phone to restart in the way it is SUPPOSED to be! PHEW!
But, it is now late. The test is already underway now. I consider going anyway and trying to talk my way in, but I just give up. I have my cell phone screen go blank and that has the car stop running, and I walk crestfallen back to the house.
Dejected and in shock, I plop down in a chair in the unlit living room. The woman from the start of the dream is here. "I thought you were going to take a test?" yes "Didn't you start with plenty of time?" yes "Then why were you out there wasting time playing games?" "Look! Just leave me alone! I tried to get out of here but it did not work, OK? And those games were from you!" She didn't even try to deny it, she just laughed.
Soon after, I woke up. Well, I thought I did but it turns out I was still dreaming. I hear a knocking at the door. At first, it is just like my room/apt IRL. I don't even question it as it morphs into something else. I go up to a big wooden door with all these locks on it. Well, I need to open it, anyway to get out to take my test. But ... so many locks! I remove one and now they door can be opened on a chain a crack. There on the other side I see two men. The one with the gun pointed at me says "we found this place in the phone book." I close the door, re-lock it, and rush away. As I am rushing away I quickly put a seal on the door and call out for help like a prayer or "in the astral" or maybe I said "through the astral" in the dream. I know help is coming, but will my seal on the door hold? It does. I see a man in a standing position with his arms by his side floating down towards my house, then away. He has taken away the robbers, but I cannot tell if he is the help I asked for or was coming to collect his robbers.
I finally make it out the house from another exit, and get in my car. But I forget where I was going. Someone in the back seat of the car reminds me it is to get to my test "but you're too late!"
...
That is when I FINALLY wake in the waking world for real this time. I wake with test panic. What day is it? What time is it? 8:57 am? Shit, I am not going to make it!! But that only lasts a moment as I come to my cell phone (which is working perfectly fine) to confirm that it is only Thursday, not Saturday. Which makes sense because I knew when I went to sleep it was Wednesday, and I have to work on Friday before the test day. But still ... I had a moment of panic to start me out!
So now I am going to have to remember to set multiple alarms on my phone and also on alarm clocks for Saturday morning to be sure I do not miss my test? OK, John, do not panic. Just calm down. Writing this dream down helped take my mind off the fear, but I still need to be sure I wake up in time for the test on Saturday. It stats at 9 am and I am to be there 1/2 hour before the test stats.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Rest Stop
I am in a city. Probably American. Maybe on a coast/near water? I am driving around. I see a small group of shops which includes a McDonald's. I think about stopping to eat, but what to eat this late/early?
I don't recall if I stop for food, but I now I am driving around to the back of these shops. I keep on going parallel through a road connecting fields of parking lots until I see a change to old light gray asphalt quickly turning to gravel. Here is a sharp right turn and a turn off. I think 1 or 2 cars are already here? Maybe it is only me? But I decided I need to pull over and rest so I sleep in my cart here.
When I wake, there are several cars around me, all resting. Not long after I wake, I see one car, then another wake and drive quietly off. I hear some of their plans. I decide to drive off, too.
But I get turned around and a little lost trying to get out, so I have to back track to where I was napping in order to regain my barrings. This is when the alarm in the real world goes off.
I don't recall if I stop for food, but I now I am driving around to the back of these shops. I keep on going parallel through a road connecting fields of parking lots until I see a change to old light gray asphalt quickly turning to gravel. Here is a sharp right turn and a turn off. I think 1 or 2 cars are already here? Maybe it is only me? But I decided I need to pull over and rest so I sleep in my cart here.
When I wake, there are several cars around me, all resting. Not long after I wake, I see one car, then another wake and drive quietly off. I hear some of their plans. I decide to drive off, too.
But I get turned around and a little lost trying to get out, so I have to back track to where I was napping in order to regain my barrings. This is when the alarm in the real world goes off.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Dorminaraway
Dorm + seminar + away
I am in a place like a dorm room or an older place to stay.
Lots of people there, male and female, adults.
All there for ... what? Some kind of gathering. School, seminar, specialized vacation?
I spend time in my room, trying to take it all in. What is in this room and where is everything? I'm alone? What am I supposed to do next (as in is there a class to attend or an event or someone to meet or what?)
Great, this is starting to turn into a minutia-of-anxieties dream. Like do I have the key or whatever to get out of the room and get back in? Do I have my debit card? That bathroom is very big and very exposed I don't like that
So, I cut myself away from this room and just leave it.
Now I hear a group of people. They are talking about a special showing of a special movie.
That is all I an recall this long after the dream.
I am in a place like a dorm room or an older place to stay.
Lots of people there, male and female, adults.
All there for ... what? Some kind of gathering. School, seminar, specialized vacation?
I spend time in my room, trying to take it all in. What is in this room and where is everything? I'm alone? What am I supposed to do next (as in is there a class to attend or an event or someone to meet or what?)
Great, this is starting to turn into a minutia-of-anxieties dream. Like do I have the key or whatever to get out of the room and get back in? Do I have my debit card? That bathroom is very big and very exposed I don't like that
So, I cut myself away from this room and just leave it.
Now I hear a group of people. They are talking about a special showing of a special movie.
That is all I an recall this long after the dream.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Dad Dream -- False Twins
Great ... a Dad dream. Let's see what I can recall ...
I am in a house with my dad. At least 2 floors, many rooms, lots of stuff. Daylight or well lit inside. I forget if there is anybody else present.
I have been planning this trip/move for a long time. A female friend has offered to take me on vacation to Europe and then ... who knows to stay? I feel like myself with this woman, like I can relax and just be.
But I have lost my phone. I put it next to my packing. I need it to call her to finalize details with her. But it is not where I left it. When I walked into the room where i left my phone, I saw a shadow dash out the other door on the far side. It sure seemed like it could have been my dad.
So, I am multi-tasking.
1) I have random stuff to do today.
2) I am looking for my phone.
3) I am looking to gather all my packing stuff together to be in one place.
4) I am looking for my Dad.
SO, I'm doing all that. room to room, messing about and sometimes gathering packing materials. It is never easy to get the packing materials, always a game to it somehow, yet it is FUN! These games are fun.
I am almost done when I come across my dad. He says he is gathering packing stuff. I say but that's what I am doing! He thinks it's cute that I actually believe I am going any where. "You can't go anywhere, Joh. What would you do when you got there? Why fail in some far off place when it is better to just be here?"
He is baiting me. Just smile and continue on, John. But, I have to ask about the phone.
"Well, that's not a good sign, is it? If you can't keep track of your phone, how are you going to get anywhere?"
"I was just wondering if you have seen it. I left it by my packing HQ in my bedroom and went to the bathroom. When I came back it was gone."
"Huh! I guess you should do as I do and keep it on you all the time. But you don't like to carry things with you, do you, John? Because of your issues, you won't even wear a watch."
(oh for fuck's sake! It's like my dad has found a way to enter my dreams! >.<)
"Dad, we are the only ones here. I saw you go out the other door. May I please have my phone back?"
"You don't even have a real phone. See, mine is a real phone. And here it is, on my hip holster! I have not managed to lose it like you always do."
(ARGH! OK, just keep calm John.)
"Fine. May I please have my fake phone back?"
"OK." He doesn't hand it to me. "Hey look, I am going on a trip, and you are copying off me and going on a trip, too!"
"I am NOT copying off you, my friend and I planned this months ago."
"You are going with her again? I thought --"
"NO, Dad! This is a different person, different situation. Sorry, I am just saying this is now that was then. Now may I please--"
"We are the same, see? We are both going on a trip. We are practically twins! We are just alike. Now, if you just give up this silliness and come with me, I can keep taking care of you and --"
"WE ARE NOT TWINS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WE ARE FALSE TWINS ... I MEAN WE ARE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING TWINS! WE ARE NOTHING ALIKE! WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT? WHY DO YOU KEEP SEEING ME AS YOU BUT AT THE SAME TIME AS A FAILURE AND UNABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ... IF WE ARE TWINS IT MEANS YOU ARE ALSO A FAILURE AND UNABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!"
"I am doing fine. I have not lost my phone. I didn't go on that useless trip before that you spoke so highly of."
"Would you STOP! Please. Just ... give me back my phone and ... just give me back my phone."
"Well, I'll see what I can do. If you deserve it."
I stare at him, seething! I reach over, grab his jacket that he took off and set beside him, and storm off.
"Hey, where do you think you are going with my jacket!"
"I don't care about the jacket, I know my phone is in here. I just don't know which pocket it is in."
"But I put it in there when you were not looking how could you know?"
"Because, unlike you, I can see below the surface to what is really there!" I yell this at him as I am storming off away from him, searching pockets. He better not follow me!
***
I kind of woke up from this, but I calmed myself with a word game. How many words begin with "li-" or something similar. So, I started thinking of them all. Lie, liar,, lye, linoleum, limousine, lenticular cloud, lime, line, linebacker, lint, lip, lipstick, lit, light, live, ...
I did this off and on the rest of the night, able to go back to sleep, but I woke up still trying to think of LI-words. Odd! Man, there are a lot of li words!
I am in a house with my dad. At least 2 floors, many rooms, lots of stuff. Daylight or well lit inside. I forget if there is anybody else present.
I have been planning this trip/move for a long time. A female friend has offered to take me on vacation to Europe and then ... who knows to stay? I feel like myself with this woman, like I can relax and just be.
But I have lost my phone. I put it next to my packing. I need it to call her to finalize details with her. But it is not where I left it. When I walked into the room where i left my phone, I saw a shadow dash out the other door on the far side. It sure seemed like it could have been my dad.
So, I am multi-tasking.
1) I have random stuff to do today.
2) I am looking for my phone.
3) I am looking to gather all my packing stuff together to be in one place.
4) I am looking for my Dad.
SO, I'm doing all that. room to room, messing about and sometimes gathering packing materials. It is never easy to get the packing materials, always a game to it somehow, yet it is FUN! These games are fun.
I am almost done when I come across my dad. He says he is gathering packing stuff. I say but that's what I am doing! He thinks it's cute that I actually believe I am going any where. "You can't go anywhere, Joh. What would you do when you got there? Why fail in some far off place when it is better to just be here?"
He is baiting me. Just smile and continue on, John. But, I have to ask about the phone.
"Well, that's not a good sign, is it? If you can't keep track of your phone, how are you going to get anywhere?"
"I was just wondering if you have seen it. I left it by my packing HQ in my bedroom and went to the bathroom. When I came back it was gone."
"Huh! I guess you should do as I do and keep it on you all the time. But you don't like to carry things with you, do you, John? Because of your issues, you won't even wear a watch."
(oh for fuck's sake! It's like my dad has found a way to enter my dreams! >.<)
"Dad, we are the only ones here. I saw you go out the other door. May I please have my phone back?"
"You don't even have a real phone. See, mine is a real phone. And here it is, on my hip holster! I have not managed to lose it like you always do."
(ARGH! OK, just keep calm John.)
"Fine. May I please have my fake phone back?"
"OK." He doesn't hand it to me. "Hey look, I am going on a trip, and you are copying off me and going on a trip, too!"
"I am NOT copying off you, my friend and I planned this months ago."
"You are going with her again? I thought --"
"NO, Dad! This is a different person, different situation. Sorry, I am just saying this is now that was then. Now may I please--"
"We are the same, see? We are both going on a trip. We are practically twins! We are just alike. Now, if you just give up this silliness and come with me, I can keep taking care of you and --"
"WE ARE NOT TWINS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WE ARE FALSE TWINS ... I MEAN WE ARE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING TWINS! WE ARE NOTHING ALIKE! WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT? WHY DO YOU KEEP SEEING ME AS YOU BUT AT THE SAME TIME AS A FAILURE AND UNABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ... IF WE ARE TWINS IT MEANS YOU ARE ALSO A FAILURE AND UNABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!"
"I am doing fine. I have not lost my phone. I didn't go on that useless trip before that you spoke so highly of."
"Would you STOP! Please. Just ... give me back my phone and ... just give me back my phone."
"Well, I'll see what I can do. If you deserve it."
I stare at him, seething! I reach over, grab his jacket that he took off and set beside him, and storm off.
"Hey, where do you think you are going with my jacket!"
"I don't care about the jacket, I know my phone is in here. I just don't know which pocket it is in."
"But I put it in there when you were not looking how could you know?"
"Because, unlike you, I can see below the surface to what is really there!" I yell this at him as I am storming off away from him, searching pockets. He better not follow me!
***
I kind of woke up from this, but I calmed myself with a word game. How many words begin with "li-" or something similar. So, I started thinking of them all. Lie, liar,, lye, linoleum, limousine, lenticular cloud, lime, line, linebacker, lint, lip, lipstick, lit, light, live, ...
I did this off and on the rest of the night, able to go back to sleep, but I woke up still trying to think of LI-words. Odd! Man, there are a lot of li words!
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