I am in and out of sleep in this dream, I even have another dream in-between this one. Yup, I am dreaming inside a dream .... OK o_O
The dream inside the dream was nothing much. It was like a story/TV Twilight Zone idea. I, this guy, is talking to his superior. He doesn't know about this latest job, and wants to not do it, take his vacation early. The supervisor says he can do it, he's been doing it for years, he is his best man, it is too late to find someone else to do it, he can do it! After this one he promises the guy will have his vacation, and a long one if needed, he has certainly earned it. And a promotion and a raise! So, what does this guy do? Well, eventually we find him saying he doesn't want to kill this person. So, a hit-man? No, it turns out he is a kind of Grim Reaper. The question is, why is this one different, and will he or won't he?
OKAY AND NOW FOR THE DRAM PROPER:
There is someone inside the apartment waiting for me to help them, but I am not waking up. Well, I am but going back to sleep. At first I think it is this one person (forget), but then it turns out to be this guy. Like a kind of ....client? I am not sure what he expects from me. He is being patient, I think, time is different when you are half asleep. Anyway, I am worried he is going to force me ot get out of bed, but it is so hot I am nude, so ... don't! :D
Anyway he leaves after calling for someone for a pickup, says he understands. I get up, look for my bathrobe, kinda panic, there it is! But then I look to be sure (in the dark barely penetrated by the light) to see if anything is missing. No, everything seems to be still here, yAy!
But HE has left some items (They were not there, then they started appearing .... dream logic, ladies and gentlemen!)
Anyways, I gather all his stuff, I even get help but I forget from who, maybe 2 people a male and a female. And I rush out with a bag to hold it all in finally. As I am walking the paths in the dark I try to follow ones to a major street, figuring he would wait for his pick up there. As I am traveling one way, I see a strange assortment of animals. One is a bear like creature with a light brown front half and a dark brown back half .. not going that way. Then I go the other way and this complex has NICE GROUNDS. But strange menagerie. Like when I get to the road and do not see him and give it up as a bad job and go back home, on the hill are big cats, and in the pathway I come across giant anteaters and other odd animals!
None of them mind me, they seem tame or at least not wanting to other me or run away, curious is all, unless that is their way of saying hello :P
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Friday, May 29, 2015
A Good Illustration of My Bad Parents
I go outside on a nice day, I am playing with someone maybe my sister? One thing we do is kick a ball back and forth. Just playing outside ... relaxing, getting exercise. But my mom is outside, too. Watering? She quickly tries to make innuendos in the form of three questions, each one more poisonous than the last. She is accusing me of using up her spices on her flowers! She is upset I am wasting her spices and trying to harm her flowers.
At first I am confused and try to figure out what she is talking about. This only gets her accusing me more, as if I am lying/denying.
Then once I kind of figure out what the heck she is talking about, I tell her I didn't do it. Again, I must be lying there is no reality where i did not do it. She ads to this by saying she KNOWS I did it, she set up traps and i fell into every one. (this part is new, I don't remember her saying it this way in reality, but it doesn't surprise me. More symbolic and possibly what she was doing). My mom is sure I am the wrong doer, and I must be punished! SHE IS WRATH, she starts to come over and I know she is going to hit me.
Right then, my dad comes out and says he put the spices on the flowers. They seemed to be too wet and he was using the spices to dry them up. "Ok!" says my mom and turns back to her watering, content. Firstly, neither my dad or anybody came to my defense against my mother. But I can see why I dreamed it this way. Because it illustrates the dynamic between my father and the rest of my family.
When I was the sole suspect, I was a terrible person and I was going to PAY! But as soon as my dad says he did it, it was the right thing to do and it is not questioned, it is simply accepted as reality. No curses, no threats, no questioning, no follow up. Simply acceptance. Acquiescing.
***
This upset me, does nobody else actually care or understand how words and emotions can harm others? It is if they are blinded to what emotions actually do! They either have no self control (mom) or use words as weapons of persuasion your emotions do not go on his radar (dad). I almost woke up, but instead I had more dreams. This next one closely follows the first. I am sleeping at home, and I wake up one day with a start. WHY AM I STILL IN THIS SLAVE HOME? I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, WHY AM I STILL HERE? So, the quest is on for ... my shoes. :) They are like ADIDAS, they have those upside down Nike Swoosh. They are white on black running shoes. I have to be sneaky to find my sneakers, for if my dad finds out he will talk me out of them.
I find them and I start to put them on but, my dad walks into the room. All nonchalant. He is talking about his creative ideas for work and ... I find myself in another room dusting without my shoes on. What the heck? He finally leaves and I see my shoes are right there in the middle of the room, mocking me, daring me to put them on. So, I am finally able to break away from using the cloth and lemon spray on the wood to go put my shoes on. But no sooner do I have them tied but my dad's voice comes from somewhere asking if I remembered to ... and I am washing windows in another room while my dad is getting a bunch of my family to clean and do other things as well. With minimal effort, they just stop whatever they were doing and do as he says!
I gather my strength and yell, "ENOUGH!" My dad flinches but he covers it up quickly by pretending what I said matters not. He says a few words and the family (brother, sister, sister-in-law, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) shake their head at me and just keep on doing whatever he says. I throw down my rag and I walk out. I gather my strength again and say, "Until we can have a conversation where there are actually not just your ideas, dad; what is the point of talking? My will is not bad, it is just different and my own. But, no. Only your will exists. Is there so little room for others, what is it that you really fear that you need so much control?" As I go out the front door, I hear them all say in unison "Just do as he says, he is only doing this because he loves you." I am stopped cold, a shiver runs down my spine, I have one foot out the door and one foot in, and I am frozen like this. Trapped between freedom and slavery ... forever.
And I wake up with this thought rolling in my head ... on a Friday. yAy!
At first I am confused and try to figure out what she is talking about. This only gets her accusing me more, as if I am lying/denying.
Then once I kind of figure out what the heck she is talking about, I tell her I didn't do it. Again, I must be lying there is no reality where i did not do it. She ads to this by saying she KNOWS I did it, she set up traps and i fell into every one. (this part is new, I don't remember her saying it this way in reality, but it doesn't surprise me. More symbolic and possibly what she was doing). My mom is sure I am the wrong doer, and I must be punished! SHE IS WRATH, she starts to come over and I know she is going to hit me.
Right then, my dad comes out and says he put the spices on the flowers. They seemed to be too wet and he was using the spices to dry them up. "Ok!" says my mom and turns back to her watering, content. Firstly, neither my dad or anybody came to my defense against my mother. But I can see why I dreamed it this way. Because it illustrates the dynamic between my father and the rest of my family.
When I was the sole suspect, I was a terrible person and I was going to PAY! But as soon as my dad says he did it, it was the right thing to do and it is not questioned, it is simply accepted as reality. No curses, no threats, no questioning, no follow up. Simply acceptance. Acquiescing.
***
This upset me, does nobody else actually care or understand how words and emotions can harm others? It is if they are blinded to what emotions actually do! They either have no self control (mom) or use words as weapons of persuasion your emotions do not go on his radar (dad). I almost woke up, but instead I had more dreams. This next one closely follows the first. I am sleeping at home, and I wake up one day with a start. WHY AM I STILL IN THIS SLAVE HOME? I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, WHY AM I STILL HERE? So, the quest is on for ... my shoes. :) They are like ADIDAS, they have those upside down Nike Swoosh. They are white on black running shoes. I have to be sneaky to find my sneakers, for if my dad finds out he will talk me out of them.
I find them and I start to put them on but, my dad walks into the room. All nonchalant. He is talking about his creative ideas for work and ... I find myself in another room dusting without my shoes on. What the heck? He finally leaves and I see my shoes are right there in the middle of the room, mocking me, daring me to put them on. So, I am finally able to break away from using the cloth and lemon spray on the wood to go put my shoes on. But no sooner do I have them tied but my dad's voice comes from somewhere asking if I remembered to ... and I am washing windows in another room while my dad is getting a bunch of my family to clean and do other things as well. With minimal effort, they just stop whatever they were doing and do as he says!
I gather my strength and yell, "ENOUGH!" My dad flinches but he covers it up quickly by pretending what I said matters not. He says a few words and the family (brother, sister, sister-in-law, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) shake their head at me and just keep on doing whatever he says. I throw down my rag and I walk out. I gather my strength again and say, "Until we can have a conversation where there are actually not just your ideas, dad; what is the point of talking? My will is not bad, it is just different and my own. But, no. Only your will exists. Is there so little room for others, what is it that you really fear that you need so much control?" As I go out the front door, I hear them all say in unison "Just do as he says, he is only doing this because he loves you." I am stopped cold, a shiver runs down my spine, I have one foot out the door and one foot in, and I am frozen like this. Trapped between freedom and slavery ... forever.
And I wake up with this thought rolling in my head ... on a Friday. yAy!
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
The Wrong Backpack
The Wrong Backpack
This was like a chain-dream. I don't clearly recall the intro, but I think I was in a car that kept getting slower and slower.
Then I am walking up hill. It is a grassy hill and a bright sunny day. I run into crowds of people. Which is fine. But now I am slowing down as I walk to my destination at the top of the hill, odd and getting frustrating.
I forget what they were doing. Discussing, some kind of play, things like that?
So, I FINALLY get to my destination, and it is a bunch of people sitting down. It is a class. So, I sit down with them. I think it started without me, but whatever I did my best I could to get here when I did.
Sometimes it feels like I am inside .... I never feel the ground.
A paperback book is being passed around, small, thin, can't be 100 pages? It has a darkly multicolored front. Maybe a painting of a group of people?
It is time to go. I look around for my backpack to put the book away and see what comes next. My backpack is forest green. I think I find it, and it seems like mine, but the zippers seem a little different. Open too far along the side. But I don't see any others near me.
I try to hurry this up because my two friends (both male, one tall like 6' 5"? The other my height or a tad shorter) have already gotten up and are talking with each other and so just assume I am right behind. So I rush through. I never did find out what I am to do next.
***
But as I am walking I lose track of them in a maze of hallways. Soon I see a tall thin younger fair headed guy, and I know he has my backpack. I try to get his attention via voice. I try waving my hand in his vision. I try tapping him on the shoulder. I FINALLY get his attention. I tell him I think we have the each other's backpacks.
He says something like "uh huh" totally nonchalant, and turns back around. This time I have to grab his shoulder to get his attention again! I have to be more firm. I am more insistent that we have to switch backpacks. He doesn't seem to get it, but finally we get the exchange made. That was aggravating. How can he be so cold? Does he not understand my emotions, I am making them very clear, just "milding" them with polite kindness is all.
OK, so I have my backpack now, and now ... what to do? I decide to look for my friends and for food. I go looking for my friends in a maze of hallways. Just finding them, just missing them again. I am feeling confused, overwhelmed.
The find me eventually. I tell them about the backpack debacle. They are upset with the dude and so they want me to describe him. I give a vague description. They want his name. I don't know his name. You didn't get his name, tsk tsk. Ugh, who cares!
So I leave my friends to just go get something to eat, get SOMETHING done. They aren't doing anything productive or fun. But ... where am I? Stupid maze hallways! But I get my bearings...(oh, as I was coming this way, I ran into a delivery person also trying to get up the stairs, but the stairs were full of stacks of boxes. We were both annoyed at this because ti slowed us down and why put a hazard on stairs!) So, I find the turn to those stairs but I end up in someone's room. A family is busy moving stuff around. Moving in, out, cleaning, something else? I apologize and go back out and in another door, but this door leads into the same place but the bathroom this time instead of the living room How odd that a room from the hall would go into the bathroom!
So, that is impolitely awkward. I talk to the family a bit.
But the rest is a blur. I think I make it outside. Or this was earlier in between stuff. But I start to walk in a crowd in day light to get to a nearby place to eat. My feet start hurting and I realize I am not wearing proper shoes for a long walk. But they will just have to do.
This was like a chain-dream. I don't clearly recall the intro, but I think I was in a car that kept getting slower and slower.
Then I am walking up hill. It is a grassy hill and a bright sunny day. I run into crowds of people. Which is fine. But now I am slowing down as I walk to my destination at the top of the hill, odd and getting frustrating.
I forget what they were doing. Discussing, some kind of play, things like that?
So, I FINALLY get to my destination, and it is a bunch of people sitting down. It is a class. So, I sit down with them. I think it started without me, but whatever I did my best I could to get here when I did.
Sometimes it feels like I am inside .... I never feel the ground.
A paperback book is being passed around, small, thin, can't be 100 pages? It has a darkly multicolored front. Maybe a painting of a group of people?
It is time to go. I look around for my backpack to put the book away and see what comes next. My backpack is forest green. I think I find it, and it seems like mine, but the zippers seem a little different. Open too far along the side. But I don't see any others near me.
I try to hurry this up because my two friends (both male, one tall like 6' 5"? The other my height or a tad shorter) have already gotten up and are talking with each other and so just assume I am right behind. So I rush through. I never did find out what I am to do next.
***
But as I am walking I lose track of them in a maze of hallways. Soon I see a tall thin younger fair headed guy, and I know he has my backpack. I try to get his attention via voice. I try waving my hand in his vision. I try tapping him on the shoulder. I FINALLY get his attention. I tell him I think we have the each other's backpacks.
He says something like "uh huh" totally nonchalant, and turns back around. This time I have to grab his shoulder to get his attention again! I have to be more firm. I am more insistent that we have to switch backpacks. He doesn't seem to get it, but finally we get the exchange made. That was aggravating. How can he be so cold? Does he not understand my emotions, I am making them very clear, just "milding" them with polite kindness is all.
OK, so I have my backpack now, and now ... what to do? I decide to look for my friends and for food. I go looking for my friends in a maze of hallways. Just finding them, just missing them again. I am feeling confused, overwhelmed.
The find me eventually. I tell them about the backpack debacle. They are upset with the dude and so they want me to describe him. I give a vague description. They want his name. I don't know his name. You didn't get his name, tsk tsk. Ugh, who cares!
So I leave my friends to just go get something to eat, get SOMETHING done. They aren't doing anything productive or fun. But ... where am I? Stupid maze hallways! But I get my bearings...(oh, as I was coming this way, I ran into a delivery person also trying to get up the stairs, but the stairs were full of stacks of boxes. We were both annoyed at this because ti slowed us down and why put a hazard on stairs!) So, I find the turn to those stairs but I end up in someone's room. A family is busy moving stuff around. Moving in, out, cleaning, something else? I apologize and go back out and in another door, but this door leads into the same place but the bathroom this time instead of the living room How odd that a room from the hall would go into the bathroom!
So, that is impolitely awkward. I talk to the family a bit.
But the rest is a blur. I think I make it outside. Or this was earlier in between stuff. But I start to walk in a crowd in day light to get to a nearby place to eat. My feet start hurting and I realize I am not wearing proper shoes for a long walk. But they will just have to do.
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