I dreamed I was in a hotel/apartment complex/dorm room type place. Lots of other people at some place where we did things. We seemed to be in our 20's I suppose. But I seemed to be spending most of my time in my room. I went out to activities, groups, but I either didn't really like them or didn't really feel right about the people there.
Later, I think it is nearly time to go, maybe later today. I hear all these people in the hallway, but I am still trying to sleep. I get up, sit at my desk, turn the computer on, but I am too sleepy so I go back to bed. But I can't sleep because I keep hearing the people in the hallway.
I am upset at them for not letting me sleep more, it is only 5 am (then 7 am) I want to sleep more and I can. But when I get up and look out the door I see them all having a great time. So, I smile at that and walk into the hallway. But it is if I am a ghost. No, worse than that. They see and hear me, but they are either preoccupied with their games/activities, full up, or don't ask me to join them.
Maybe I need to shower and dress first (dream logic here lol) so I go back and shower and dress and come out with some cool thing we can play with (forget what it is), but as I go to my door, at first it is stuck.
Then it looks like it's been damaged on the sides. But I am frustrated with it not opening and so I keep wiggling it to get it open ... and I do! But the whole door comes off the frame! Now what am I going to do? Surely now people are going to come in and steal my stuff. This looks so stupid. Why wasn't I more careful and patient? But wait ... it looks like I just "finished the job" started by others, because I see evidence of people trying to pry the door open from the outside.
So now I am pre-occupied with worry about the door. My computer and stuff are in there! But I can't stay in that room all day. Well, actually, what happened after I cleaned up was that the phone rang. I thought "good, Katelin is calling me to wish me a happy birthday!" and yes that is what I actually thought in the dream lol! So I pick up the phone all excited, forgetting all my troubles, when I hear the voice I am shocked. It is my dad! Well, OK, this may be OK, I will listen to what he has to say. "John, I am coming to pick you up." I answer "How do you know, how do you know where I am?" "I know you are failing and can't handle things on your own so it would just be best if you stopped .." I cut him off and say "Dad, please just let me be. I love you but you keep pushing me away by trying to make me not myself." "Now, John, your mother is crying. Just do as I say." I hang up the phone.
I try to brush it off and just look to be with people, but they are STILL in their own little worlds. But now it seems the majority of them are doing things I don't want to do ... drinking and other stuff. Great, so no family or friends. That's OK, it is almost over here.
So I end up approaching a group of girls that are like "camp counselors/guides". I stand there, waiting for them to notice me so I won't be rude. But they don't say anything to me. They are supposed to be here for us, to answer questions and help us with knowing the schedule and where things are and what to do, etc. But they are instead talking about makeup, gossip about movie stars, and boys. ugh!
So, I clear my throat and say I need some help.
"Duh! You are fat bald and old and you dress like a ... I don't know what. And you can't shave worth a damn!"
No, I need help with something here. When are the shuttles to take us to the airport coming? She just rolls her eyes and answer under her breath "it's written on your schedule just look at that." Then I tell them my door is broken, off it's hinges even, what do I do? They just glare at me and walk away! "OK, thanks, sorry to have bothered you." I say to their backs. I wasn't sarcastic.
I go back to my room. I want to call a friend, but I see the phone is pulled out from the wall. Did I do that after talking with my dad? I go to the computer but it won't turn on. So I go to bed again. I lie on my back, but then I can't breathe. Maybe if I move I will be able to breathe again. I manage to move my hand to cover my heart. But I can't feel a heart beat!
I wake up like that. Lying on my back, not breathing with my hand on my heart not feeling a beat. I sense something to the side of the bed, and it leans towards me and then I can breathe again and I turn over on my side.
I do not recall all the details nor have I recorded them here just as they all happened because it is hard to recall and being in the dream is different when you wake up, but this includes what happened and how I feel it is OK to fill things in.
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