I am having a series of very vivid dreams. I had awoken at around 8 with one from inside a grocery store that is not the subject of this blog because I only recall a few small details. There were a lot of people in there but it was not crowded. I was the only male there. All the female shoppers were wondering why I, a single male, was there at all. I did not belong and should not be getting food. They were surprised to see me with actual food in my cart (We were in the fresh veggie/fruit section and I was picking items out there). A grocery clerk was called over, and it was a female, and she also wondered why I was there. Her supervisor was called over, and SHE thought the same. The Manager was called and SHE thought the same, finally an outside party was called and wanted to know what all the fuss was about and she couldn't figure out what the deal was BUT wasn't arguing too hard for my side. This whole time, I am helplessly watching my veggies start to wither. :(
ANALYSIS: Obviously about my situation at work. The Office is all female and they keep taking away my hours without replacing them. They told me last week they will try to find me hours with a client that wants a male caregiver. She isn't helping, and the UNION isn't helping either!
***
So I woke from that dream, but I was still tired, so I actually went back to sleep ... and dreamed. It was around 8 am so it is not usual for me to dream after I wake at that time. Usually it's a dreamless nap or lying in bed ...
FAMILY TIME (WHEN AM I LEAVING?)
The beginning is hazy. Basically, I am somewhere, and I get time off and I have to be somewhere and they will pick me up and take me back.
The place I go to is hazy ...
I end up going downstairs and ending up in my parents TV room. Mom, Dad. They are watching a TV series, on National Geographic Channel with help from other channels, that has been advertised as an EVENT. They have drones and satellites and other things that have groundbreaking tech on ground penetrating radar and more! It is an Archaeological dream! Computers can use the information from many tools to create imagery you can see so it is as if you are traveling around inside. They can find and show Fossils, Underground Tunnels and Cities, Post Holes, Hidden Pyramids looking like hills or mountains now, under desserts, under The Temple Mount, Hidden Rooms in the Great Pyramid and Sphinx and other surprises, even under water structures that blow the minds of scientists!
But my mom wants to play with something that is on an over-screen covering the TV show. At first it is during a commercial, but the ads are clearly over and she is still messing with this other screen. I am annoyed. Dad tells me they are recording it it's ok. I say well I don't have access to the recording. Dad says it will be on again. I said I don't have cable, and you invited me down here specifically to watch this new show with you.
"Typical, you don't ... can't ... care about us, you just want to use us." says dad
I say "But YOU invited me to talk so I came to talk, I didn't even know this Show was on."
My dad tries to argue interrupt me saying I did know about the show, but I counter how mom said she did not like how when we sit down to talk and /or eat we never talk ... and she is the one who turns on the TV! Then my dad tries to defend his wife and I say in defending her you exonerate me because it shows I'm telling the truth. You asked me to come down here to talk and eat and we don't do either bc TV!
My dad still tries to argue! So, fine, since I am not there to talk, or eat, or even watch the TV show that interrupted that, I'm leaving.
"Running away again?"
"There is nothing here for me but lies and drama. I'm not running away, I am escaping a psychological gulag."
(MISSING SCENE: either before going to my parents or after I am with my brother and we are outside doing chores. Well, he is supposed to be doing the chores, gut he slowly talked me into doing more and more of them and him less and less. I got fed up with it and just left the unfinished chores for him to do. He also wanted to leave the chores unfinished, but was mad at me.
...
Part of it involved my dad trying to rearrange a garden piece that was made up of heavy layers. You had to take the layers off each other in order to move the whole piece and re stack them. I got tired of this and just left it unstacked)
So, I go upstairs to my room. It is like a room in a house, but at the same time a suite in a hotel. On the way, my brother hands me a helium balloon. It also has a cardboard tag that is weighted. In the dream, I can clearly read both sides of the tag and both sides of the balloon! I took a moment now that I am alone in my room, and re-read the balloon. I go lucid for a bit because ... hang on, I can actually read this balloon! In dreams, you cannot read. It is really gibberish ... especially if you try to read it again. But no, this time I could read and re read. I don't think it was anything special. It was like a long skit on a birthday card.
My attention is taken away from the balloon when I realize my sister is rifling through my suitcase I have half-packed to leave.
"What are you looking for?" "Nothing," she replies ... as she continues to rifle through my stuff without asking.
"Would you please stop that, I just repacked that and I'm tired and I want to go to bed."
"I knew it! Oh, never-mind." I think she is done and is leaving, nope, she has started up a console game. I tell her she has to go, it is late and I have an early day tomorrow. She huffs and kicks something and storms out, slamming the door.
...
I angrily sigh. Really?
To calm myself down before bed, I am looking for a place to put my balloon. But some places the ceiling is too high, or too prickly with stucco, or too close to the window, or there are water leaks in the ceiling, including a moldy stain. I finally just put the balloon somewhere (meaning it is helium so I let it flat up and stay there).
So, now I can relax, right? I start to go to sleep, but then I am wide awake! When am I supposed to go the meeting point to leave this place? oh, I left the note on top of my half-packed suitcase. Well, I only had out things that would fit on top like clothes for tomorrow and toiletries etc. I look and look (my sister did not do a good job putting things back they way they were) OH MY SISTER!
The note, I cannot find the note, did my sister take it? My dad probably talked her into it. But I still remember when I'm leaving ... don't I ... Don't I ... DON'T I? CRAP I CAN"T STAY HERE!
****
And that is when I wake up. My heart is racing! I say out loud "It's OK, It's OK" and then I realize where I am and I say "No it's not."
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