pre-note: I have been having a terrible night's sleep as of late. I can go to sleep, but then I'm awoken by either these god-awful nails-on-chalk-board rattling/banging sounds above me that sound like water pipes having a bad time of it I guess ... or a jackhammer running as several very heavy metal desks are dragged along the floor sloooooowly. That and/or noises from the neighbors above, sometimes a dog who sounds pissed, or the TV, all at 1-2 am.
Well, last night it was the rattling that bugged me. And I "wanted out". Not suicide, I say again, but to be able to leave this "game" or whatever this is. I can play a game but leave it for awhile, this "game" we can't leave, so I feel imprisoned and trapped so sometimes it is no fun.
I know someone was in the room a real person not a ghost. But there was nobody. I checked the door. The hinges were on the other side so I know it was a dream.
So at 1:23 am (seriously!) I gave up and got out of bed and had a spot of green tea (decaffeinated) and just sat doing nothing else. Eventually going back to bed .. after checking the door's lock for like the fifth time. Then I woke with a dream where I was in a restaurant, and in a city, and i met an old friend (not in real life, I don't know them in real life) and he asked me to secure him a hotel room that had to do with Iran or something. So I finally found the right one and set up the room for him. Then he wanted to go shopping. He tried on a black dress and a wig :) He was fun. There were a couple other guys trying on woman's clothes in the back, but it was OK they were nice. I was still a bit uncomfortable about it in the dream they were asking me that i should get one of the dresses for "my friend" and I felt they meant you Yngvil. I just smiled an embarrassed smile and stuttered out a kind of no, but they were nice and changed their behavior a bit to make me less anxious. The I woke :p
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
SoulMate (2 Light Years Away)
I find myself in bed with this white skinned dark haired woman. She is working with me in a way only my soul mate could. She is forgiving my misgivings and broken pieces inside, she is encouraging me with empathy just the way where i can work through things to healing and being. She is turning my doubt and pain and fears around (these cause by my family and friends).
I am scared, worried, wondering if this is OK, wondering if I will do it wrong, is she trying to trick me, am I doing this more for her than myself and is this OK? In other words thinking too much, stuck in the loop of my mind that comes not from my true essence but how I was raised.
She is healing me, taking me through a process. She is reminding me of my true essence and allowing me to forget (and forgive) my faults wither inside or put there by others (read I let them in).
That is why I know this is my soulmate. She knows just what to do. And I can do the same for her. Without effort, the process of healing ramps up and the ultimate kind of Love takes over.
I kiss her passionately on the neck now.
Now I understand the song "Sexual Healing"
Because it was not just sex, but a real joining of two souls. I wasn't just with a lover, but my soulmate.
Now we are swimming in the starry expanse. I see some bright lights in the otherwise pitch black sky. I hear another voice say "19 light years." Then it says "17 light years." Then I feel the hidden difference is the answer, so the answer is between 19 and 17, which makes 2.
2 again. I have been dreaming about and seeing 2 (and pair like things) a lot lately. Not too long ago I had a dream with this dark-haired woman where I was seeing two in everything. The two of us, two beds right next to each other, and a desert-scrub landscape with two suns (I was watching the sun set and rise at the same time. It was like a wrap-around video game or cartoon. I mean as the sun set it rose on the other horizon as if the two suns was just one sun and the west and east were joined with no distance between them).
Why all these twos, in dreams and waking life as well? For example there was 12-22-2009 if you write it like that you have 2 pairs of 2s together, AND it was on Tuesday (pronounced twos-day) and it was literally two's day!
I saw two dimes on the floor, they seemed to just appear there but I didn't see it happen. They just seemed out of place. They were in the department at work I was not in that day (Tuesday .. again) but I'm in today. the two co-workers were there. One dime was by the fax machine, the other was in the other room by the copier. They are similar machines.
So, there is something about 2's and it's happened in dreams and in synchronicities in teh real world. I do not know what that means yet, but it's been happening a lot, basicaly starting since 12-22-2009 but may have started a little before that?
I am scared, worried, wondering if this is OK, wondering if I will do it wrong, is she trying to trick me, am I doing this more for her than myself and is this OK? In other words thinking too much, stuck in the loop of my mind that comes not from my true essence but how I was raised.
She is healing me, taking me through a process. She is reminding me of my true essence and allowing me to forget (and forgive) my faults wither inside or put there by others (read I let them in).
That is why I know this is my soulmate. She knows just what to do. And I can do the same for her. Without effort, the process of healing ramps up and the ultimate kind of Love takes over.
I kiss her passionately on the neck now.
Now I understand the song "Sexual Healing"
Because it was not just sex, but a real joining of two souls. I wasn't just with a lover, but my soulmate.
Now we are swimming in the starry expanse. I see some bright lights in the otherwise pitch black sky. I hear another voice say "19 light years." Then it says "17 light years." Then I feel the hidden difference is the answer, so the answer is between 19 and 17, which makes 2.
2 again. I have been dreaming about and seeing 2 (and pair like things) a lot lately. Not too long ago I had a dream with this dark-haired woman where I was seeing two in everything. The two of us, two beds right next to each other, and a desert-scrub landscape with two suns (I was watching the sun set and rise at the same time. It was like a wrap-around video game or cartoon. I mean as the sun set it rose on the other horizon as if the two suns was just one sun and the west and east were joined with no distance between them).
Why all these twos, in dreams and waking life as well? For example there was 12-22-2009 if you write it like that you have 2 pairs of 2s together, AND it was on Tuesday (pronounced twos-day) and it was literally two's day!
I saw two dimes on the floor, they seemed to just appear there but I didn't see it happen. They just seemed out of place. They were in the department at work I was not in that day (Tuesday .. again) but I'm in today. the two co-workers were there. One dime was by the fax machine, the other was in the other room by the copier. They are similar machines.
So, there is something about 2's and it's happened in dreams and in synchronicities in teh real world. I do not know what that means yet, but it's been happening a lot, basicaly starting since 12-22-2009 but may have started a little before that?
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